PARENTS, HAVE THE TALK. NO, NOT THAT TALK!
Have a child who appears lazy and unmotivated, with a head in his screens all day? You could lecture and dismiss his concerns, which will only result in more friction and being separated from the child you love. Or you could have this talk instead.“Son, I know it’s scary being your age. It seems like everyone else has their lives together and knows what they want to do. You’ve got all these expectations and pressure weighing on you–friendships, girls, peer pressure, grades, your future. I want to apologize for making it seem like I had it all together when I was your age. I didn’t. I felt just as lost and scared as you probably do.“I want to apologize for dumping all of MY anxiety on you. The truth is this. You have every quality necessary for success in life, inside of you right now. Know when I see those amazing qualities come out? When you play your video games.

“See, you are goal-oriented, driven, and persistent. You don’t eat, sleep, pee, study, do your chores or homework. Because you have one goal in life now: to get the high score in that video game. And you work at it, and think of strategies, and scour the internet for cheats. And you don’t stop until you get the high score. Because when you care about something, you are driven and persistent. And do you know persistence is the #1 quality necessary for success in life according to a Harvard Study? So, Casey, you have a great future ahead of you. I can’t wait to see it unfold.”

I remember walking out of my son’s room, lamenting that he didn’t apply these same qualities to organization, study skills, and school! But those qualities ARE inside your child. So recognize, affirm them, and give them opportunities to shine.

CASEY: That was the conversation that began to change our relationship. As a kid, this made me feel understood, finally. As kids, we know video games are unimportant in the grand scheme of life, however, to us, at our age, they are very important to us. For the first time, I felt like my dad understood why I liked to play. I felt like he believed in me and his expectations were capable of being achieved. It can crush a child when he or she feels like they can never live up to parental expectations.

KIDS, SAY THIS TO YOUR PARENTS
“Mom/Dad, I know you don’t see me trying my hardest and sometimes I probably appear lazy to you, like I take the easy way out. I don’t always work hard when it comes to chores or school. But that’s because I don’t care about those things like you do right now. But when I am building with Legos, playing my video games, taking apart computers of doing what I love, I am disciplined, organized, and focused. When I’m helping other adults and doing service projects, I am conscientious, work hard, and am respectful.

“Mom/Dad, I know you are worried about my future because I don’t seem all that motivated right now. But I do know what it takes to be successful…because I’ve watched you work so hard. I will do that one day, I will. I need you to believe in me, to trust that I will work this out. You’ve taught me well. Just be patient and let me own my mistakes. I’ll get there. It just may look different than you want.”

Try sometime simply saying, “Hey Mom/Dad, I understand why you’re stressed over my grades.” Do you know how settling that is to a parent for them to know that you’re aware of how it makes them feel? That will help them feel settled and lecture less.

Do you wish you had these scripts for every power struggle situation? Simply download our NEW program and you’ll have a Cheat Sheet or Playbook for the toughest situations. It’s usually $197, but this week you can get it for only $97.