I have watched almost all of my friends in their early 20’s struggle with their relationships. I know how important the quality of relationships is in life. Very few kids have a close, trusting relationship with their parents like I do. There is a lot of blaming, lying, and mistrust. My goal is to help fix that. Below is a short excerpt from our new Difficult Discussions program.

You and your parents are going to disagree with each other sometimes. And it’s completely okay to disagree, as long as each side disagrees in a respectful way. These skills, to us, are more important than anything you’ll learn at the office or during homework. So practice this. Remember to (1) listen (truly listen), (2) acknowledge, and (3) own your part.

When I was 16, I wanted to hang out with friends later than my parents allowed. The typical response is to say, “Mom and dad, I think your curfew is STUPID. I’ll come home when I want.” And if you do that, your parents should literally ground you for life because you have just demonstrated that you are not trustworthy!

You know that’s not the right way, but it FEELS good to prove your point and show how tough you are. At the end of the day, the only person that hurts is yourself. Likewise, parents, stretch yourself a little and compromise if your kids handle this well.

KIRK: My part as the parent was listening and acknowledging that my son wanted his independence and time with his friends away from us. That is normal and healthy. And I have to own my part, which is that I’m naturally a control freak who worries about his son.

My part as the child was listening and acknowledging that my parents have seen kids get hurt or even killed when staying out too late. They were your age once and they have experienced what you have. Just think–you are responsible for yourself. But parents bear the responsibility of keeping the thing they love more than anything in  the world (YOU!) safe. One bad decision and they could live the rest of their lives with regret. You need to acknowledge this

And I have to own my own part as the kid, which is that I haven’t always been that trustworthy.

So here’s what I said. “Hey mom and dad, I understand why you have placed this curfew on me. You were 16 once and know what can happen after 10pm. I’m not supposed to like your boundaries because I’m a kid! But I do respect you. At the same time, I disagree with the curfew and think I should be able to stay out later. Can you tell me what I can do to EARN a later curfew?”

Kirk: Now as a parent, I can tell you THAT is beautiful and will blow your parents away. It doesn’t mean they are going to give in to you or agree. But you just took ownership by asking what YOU can do to EARN a later curfew. You’re willing to do your part. You are not entitled to everything you want and your parents don’t HAVE to give you what you want.

As it turns out, Casey began doing something brilliant. He would actually come home a few minutes BEFORE curfew every night…instead of coming home a few minutes late and making excuses (which erodes trust). Know what he was demonstrating?

I can control myself and manage my own time…so you don’t have to. And guess what? My parents slowly began to give me a later curfew. And if I hadn’t shown that I was responsible, the curfew wouldn’t have changed. It’s a really simple process to listen, acknowledge, and own your part.

Both sides win here. Parents, you don’t want to give your kids consequences all the time and take away all their privileges. Heck, if you have teenagers, you probably want them out of the house MORE often!

Kids, you don’t want to get in trouble all the time. Parents want their kids to be responsible and respectful and kids want to have more freedom and responsibility. What we so frequently miss is that those go hand in hand.

Throughout the Difficult Discussions program, we give you and your kids 25 different ways to get on the same page. Parents get the respect they want. Kids get the responsibility they want. It’s a win-win. You can work on it over the summer and begin the new school year with a new relationship.

• Build mutual trust and cooperation. Rebuild a broken relationship.
• Casey teaches kids how to disagree respectfully without being rude.
• Kirk teaches parents how to problem solve without escalating situations or denigrating kids.
• Turn even the most irritating traits into advantages.

What if conflict is a huge opportunity to build trust and a closer relationship? And what if trust and a closer relationship ultimately lead to mutual cooperation in the home?

You get a Playbook, or Cheat Sheet, with the actual conversations that parents and kids are emailing to each other to resolve issues now before the stress of the school year kicks back in.

SPECIAL OFFER: The regular price of this program with be $197. But the first 50 families who order get the downloads, playbook, and cheat sheet for only $97.