What do you wish your spouse knew about how you feel inside? What do you wish you could say without your spouse becoming defensive, so that he/she understood you? This is the process we’re going through with couples as we prepare for the Calm Couples™ Marriage Challenge. I would like your feedback. Do not reply on Facebook! Post below this blog using a fake name so you can remain anonymous.
Here are some of the responses we have received so far. In parenting sessions, I like to give voice to what your children are feeling inside, but don’t know how to say. Through the Calm Couples™ Challenge and mentoring, I am going to give voice to the true feelings inside men and women. What do you want your spouse to know? Do any of these resonate?
What do you want your spouse to know about how you feel now?
I am scared because I don’t even like you or know you now.
I can’t trust you right now.
I have a lot of pain inside I need to work through.
I am mad at myself for letting things get this way.
I am angry at myself for being a weak person and letting you do this to me.
When I am with you, I can’t be myself. I shut down.
I wish you wouldn’t assume the worst about me. I AM trying.
I have so much anxiety and guilt. I feel trapped.
I need help. I cannot do this alone. I don’t want to do this alone.
I feel like your drinking/video games are more important than me.
I wish you would choose your family over your addiction.
I really want to be your husband and for you to be my wife, not just the mother of our kids.
I miss having a friend to share life with.
We’re just going through the motions. My eyes and mind are beginning to wander and that scares me.
You can read more helpful marriage posts here or click here to learn about the Calm Couples Marriage Challenge. This is real life. Don’t let anything stand in your way of making the changes you deserve. We can help financially. You just have to ask. Email Brett@CelebrateCalm.com or call 888-506-1871.What do you want YOUR spouse to know about how you feel inside?
11 comments
I wish my husband knew how lonely I feel even when we’re in the same room.
I wish my husband would realize how precious his children are. They have offered to use their hard-earned money to do activities that he is only mildly interested in, so he just puts them off. he makes all of us feel unimportant -we can’t share with him unless it’s always on his terms. It makes me hurt and resentful; I can’t imagine being his kid.
I can’t even talk to him about anything without it blowing up into this fight or him leaving the room angry and upset. So I’ve given up. I just do everything myself. And yes, I am angry about that!
I wish he knew how special his kids are and how angry I am about how he has treated them and me, like we are unimportant and worthless. The world revolves around him. I wish he knew my autistic child does not need to be fixed, he is perfect the way he is. That child (and the others) could teach him something if he would just realize that he doesn’t know everything. Physical aggression is not the answer. The kids respond to love and talking. I wish he knew that I was done with this marriage, and the only reason I am staying is because I know if he got visitation he would physically hurt them. I wish he knew how unhappy everyone was when he is around.
I wish my wife knew that I really am trying at this. It’s not easy for someone like me. My Dad was physically abusive and loved his drink more than us. I know I haven’t been the best husband and I am willing to work at it. I don’t want her to give up on me.
I wish he understood how much his cynicism and negativity crushes what little energy I can muster up for hope and coping. I wish he believed in himself and his family more. I wish he could be strong and hopeful for all of us.
Kirk, I wanted you to know we’re going for it. My husband agreed to drive from NJ to DC next Saturday for the Relationship Rescue in person, said he trusts you because you were just like him. We decided this would be our Christmas gift to each other. The sad truth is that if we don’t turn this around, it will be our last holiday together as a family. Brett was kind and helped us with payments, so we’re scared but hopeful. I want my husband to know how much it means to me that he’s willing to work on this. It makes me feel important.
Whether you are going to marriage counseling or participating in our programs, I want you to look at this in a different way. Several people said they wanted to participate in person, but were embarrassed. Sure, you can participate online. But I don’t want you hanging your head in shame, feeling embarrassed or like a failure.
Instead, I want you to walk in with this attitude: I am now working at the hardest and most important job on Earth, but I haven’t been given the tools or skills to be successful. So I need some on-the-job training and some new skills to be successful at my job. I want you to be bold and say, “I am going to be successful at this new job. This is important work. So I’m taking it seriously and learning some new skills.”
In the real world, people would admire you for taking on a new and demanding job…and putting in the effort to learn new skills. This is no different.
I wish my husband and i could interact positivly and constructivly without chemical aide. We talk and have so much fun with each other when drinking. We even can talk through issues but the daily grind is a different dynamic. I hate it.
I wish my husband knew that I feel that I have worked as hard as I could have, yet it doesn’t seem to have mattered. I feel like his addiction to drugs and now recovery doesn’t leave room for me or our family. I feel like I’ve wasted a lot of time trying to be here and make things work, only to look around and see everything is just as empty as ever. I wish he knew how much I needed him to be proud of me and support me instead of trying to diminish anything I try to improve myself. I wish he knew just how close I am to leaving.
I hate Valentine’s Day, too! That’s when I met my husband, in 1983.
I wish my husband knew that reading Valentine cards at the store makes me cry. I wipe my tears and hope no one notices. I read and reread the cards trying to find one I can live with. I can’t give it to you if I don’t mean what it says. They say things like, “You’re my best friend!”
“I can share my troubles with you.” “You make me feel special.” “I feel safe and happy when I’m with you.” In my head, I answer, “NO! You aren’t even a friend to me. I regret when I share with you, although it seldom helps if I try to hide problems. Even when you make things work out better, I almost never feel better. You’re so disrespectful and angry about everything! You drain me of energy, hope, and happiness. (I know Kirk… I’m giving him my power.) Thanks to our poor relationship, the kids (19 and 17) are just as bad. It’s so overwhelmingly sad. I need to feel loved, appreciated and successful. My grandma makes me feel that way. Just the way that your friends and your job make you feel wanted and clever. I know you’re as miserable as I am, and so are the kids. They won’t date, have few friends, and say they won’t marry. I’ll worry if they do. We can’t go back in time and we only have one life to finish living. If you ever want to try to get along better, I’ll try, too. Just know that we may have to spend some time and money, and I’m pretty sure we’ll have to work at it and actually talk… not just jump in bed. (That just makes me feel worse… like Valentine’s Day.) But I’d like to try. I’m pretty sure this is taking years off our lives!
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