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Change your family tree

Today, I change my family tree. I identify those patterns passed down through parents and grandparents–anxiety, worry, meddling, lecturing, yelling, fear and intimidation, abuse. I give my children a gift that will reach through generations. Instead of trying to change my kids, spouse, friends or boss, I change myself. I learn to control myself, my emotions, my compulsions.

I become that calm, confident, immovable rock my kids can count on. I show them how to control themselves by first controlling myself. This is hard work, but I can do it. And in doing so, I will have changed my family tree and broken patterns for generations to come.

3 Free Workshops in Alabama Mon/Tue/Wed

Monday, November 14                       6:30pm – 8:30pm
Alabama State University–Buskey Health Science Bldg (Auditorium) /  915 S. Jackson St. / Montgomery, AL 36104

Tuesday, November 15                       6:30pm – 8:30pm
Homewood Library / 1721 Oxmoor Road / Homewood, AL 35209

Wednesday, November 16                       6:30pm – 8:30pm
Chelsea Park Elementary Cafeteria /  9000 Chelsea Park Trail /  Chelsea, AL 35043 (Birmingham)


Bring friends to these FREE Workshops
. There is no need to register.

  • Eliminate defiance, disrespect, and power struggles (even with teens).
  • Improve focus, attention, and behavior in class.
  • Relieve anxiety, sensory issues and sibling fights.
  • Create behavior plans that really change behavior.
  • Get kids to take responsibility for their attitudes, choices and work.

Want a sneak peak? Click below.  

More free events coming to your city…

Thurs., Nov. 17 – Sat., Nov. 19         Nashville, TN    4 Workshops

All events are FREE and there is no need to register. Come out and bring a few friends!

Calm in the morning before school?

I just wanted to say a big thank you!! My husband and I agonized over spending the money on the CDs.  We are so glad we did.  I started listening yesterday in the car.  The first cd was Calm 24/7.  Mornings are particularly stressful.  My preschooler is very emotional as am I.  We often clash in the mornings while trying to get out the door.  There is often yelling, frustration and tears.  I implemented a few suggestions this morning.  I woke up 10 minutes early.  I prayed and gave thanks to God for my kids and my spouse.  After those moments I was ready to face the day.  So I thought.My 4 year old woke up before I had a chance to sit on her bed and welcome her to the day.  She was grumpy and demanding.  I started to feel the tension creep in and began to snap a response.  I remembered what you said about giving power to others and that I have power over my emotions and responses.  I centered myself and calmly asked her to sit on the bed and told her I would be there shortly to help her.

Wow!!!  No snapping and that action diffused her frustration.  We had a pleasant morning.  No complaining about going to school and no stress even though we were a few minutes late.  Thank you for helping us begin a transformation in our family.  I feel hopeful for the first time in a long while.

~ A Grateful Mom

Relationship Rescue: Build New Relationship Skills

Ugh. I know you don’t even want to deal with this now because you are exhausted, but you must. It only gets more difficult the longer you wait. It isn’t going away.

Do any of these situations describe yours?
- Your husband hasn’t been engaged emotionally. You didn’t want to rock the boat so you didn’t say anything. He thought things were okay. Now you are fighting resentment and don’t have the emotional energy to even try.

- One spouse has announced their intention to separate or divorce. Is there a way to repair this, even though the grass looks greener?

- You have had the thought, “I wish something would happen to my spouse–not to be mean or anything–but if they were just gone, I could move on.”

- You don’t even know how to talk about anything meaningful. You make small talk to keep the kids and house moving along, but you can’t ever bring anything up.

- You don’t know how to handle conflict of any kind. So you don’t say anything or your spouse runs away. Or maybe one spouse tries to control everything so the issues go away.

- Trust has been broken because of infidelity or secret addictions. Forgiveness isn’t enough—can you rebuild the trust? Do you even want to?

What’s the common theme here? These are relationships in crisis. Something needs to change soon. I have been overwhelmed with emails lately asking for help with the above situations. I’m going to help you with a 40-Day Challenge to:

- Give you clarity about what the REAL issues are. And no, they probably aren’t what YOU THINK they are.

- Demonstrate with specific words and actions how to handle conflict, how to have difficult conversations (without it blowing up), how to connect, how to handle everything you are struggling with. It can be with a spouse, teenager or toddler.

- Put into words what you have wanted to tell your spouse, but haven’t been able to. It’s human nature. I won’t listen if my wife says it–but if someone who makes sense says it, it hits home. I will help you give voice to what you’ve wanted to say as a hurt or misunderstood spouse.

- Develop a very specific game plan to move forward. I don’t want to just give you perspective and hope; I want you to give you clear, doable action steps to make progress. We will accomplish this through a 40-day, intensive, online Relationship Rescue Challenge. You will receive a new message every day to reinforce what we discusses and practice making small steps.

I can give you fifteen excuses why you shouldn’t do this. But here’s why you should.
- I have been in your shoes. Staring divorce and a broken relationship right in the eyes. I’ve experienced the dread, the pain, the loneliness, the fear, the anger, the shame. This is the hardest thing you have ever done.

- Half of the problem is you. Not your spouse. Not your child. You can run, you can move on with your life when this person is gone. But then you will look in the mirror and find the problem staring back at you. And you’ll end up repeating the same patterns in your next relationship.

- This requires an investment. I don’t want people treating this as an optional or nice little thing to do. This is hard. This is critical. You know what’s even more expensive? Getting a divorce. Paying attorneys. Splitting property. And that’s not even the greatest cost. But I know some husbands are going to use this as an excuse. You don’t have to use this program, but you better get help somewhere.

- It’s embarrassing to admit you need help. Good. This process is going to require a tremendous amount of humility and honesty. Having the courage to say, “We need some help” is an extraordinary first step. Besides, you’re going to going through this with other good people who also give a darn about their relationships. I’d rather be in this position than suffering in silence, alone, about to lose everything meaningful.

- You can rationalize putting it off. “Oh, maybe it will get better.” “We don’t have time right now, Let’s just get the kids off to college and then we’ll do it.” You know you are lying to yourself. Want to give your kids a gift? Let them see your lives transformed before them.

- I want you to show self-respect. For some of you, this is the underlying issue. You don’t think you deserve or are worthy of a good relationship with a man who treats you with respect. So you settle. Or you suffer in silence. Don’t.

Registration
My regular fees for consultations are $250 per hour. You will get 40 days of mentoring–plus special messages each week answering your questions–via email.


Register for Calm Couples Marriage Challenge: 40 Days of Practical Strategies for $497 per family.

This includes participation by both spouses. You can practice the new skills right in your home.

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Begin the New Year with a new you, a new marriage.

If you need payment plans or have any questions, call Brett at 888-506-1871. He is the friendliest person on the planet and can answer all of your questions.

What can you expect?
I am going to speak in very specific, blunt terms so we can get every issue out on the table. There will be great clarity.

You may participate alone if your spouse will not.

Some will say, “This is just B.S. I’m not wasting my time and money on this.” No skin off my back, but those are the words of an immature man. You don’t have to participate in this program, but do get some help. Work is easy-—relationships are scary and the most difficult thing we’ll ever do.

 

I refuse to allow others to determine my mood, attitude and actions

I refuse to allow others to determine my mood, attitude and actions. If a person or circumstance causes me to react, they have power over me. I refuse to give power over my joy and peace to my kids’ behavior, my spouse’s reaction, what others think, traffic, finances, co-workers. I control one thing in life: myself. That makes me very powerful. Instead of letting my daughter irritate me, I sit and tell her one reason she has an amazing future. When I am rushing in the store, I allow a person to go in front of me at the checkout. When my boss is a jerk, I am grateful I have a job…and begin looking for new opportunities!. Are you ready to take back power over your emotions and life this week? (Click SHARE below to help other parents.)

Do you respect yourself?

Today, I admit that *I* am responsible for my own happiness. If I don’t care enough about myself to take care of myself, to do something for myself, then no one else will care about me. Respect comes from self-respect. Because I respect my emotional, physical and spiritual health, I will take ONE action today to show that my health is a priority. I will exercise, eat healthy, enjoy 15 minutes of quiet time, listen to music, meditate on peaceful thoughts, pray, sing, read for 30 minutes, go to sleep early, leave a chore undone, laugh, call an old friend, reconnect with one of my gifts and passions, visit an elderly neighbor to sit and talk.

What are YOU going to do today?

What do you wish your spouse knew about how you feel inside?

What do you wish you could say without your spouse becoming defensive, so that he/she understood you? This is the process we’re going through with couples as we prepare for the Calm Couples™ Marriage Challenge. I would like your feedback. Do not reply on Facebook! Post below this blog using a fake name so you can remain anonymous.

Here are some of the responses we have received so far. In parenting sessions, I like to give voice to what your children are feeling inside, but don’t know how to say. Through the Calm Couples™ Challenge and mentoring, I am going to give voice to the true feelings inside men and women. What do you want your spouse to know? Do any of these resonate?

 

What do you want your spouse to know about how you feel now?

  • I am scared because I don’t even like you or know you now.
  • I can’t trust you right now.
  • I have a lot of pain inside I need to work through.
  • I am mad at myself for letting things get this way.
  • I am angry at myself for being a weak person and letting you do this to me.
  • When I am with you, I can’t be myself. I shut down.
  • I wish you wouldn’t assume the worst about me. I AM trying.
  • I have so much anxiety and guilt. I feel trapped.
  • I need help. I cannot do this alone. I don’t want to do this alone.
  • I feel like your drinking/video games are more important than me.
  • I wish you would choose your family over your addiction.
  • I really want to be your husband and for you to be my wife, not just the mother of our kids.
  • I miss having a friend to share life with.
  • We’re just going through the motions. My eyes and mind are beginning to wander and that scares me.

You can read more helpful marriage posts here or click here to learn about the Calm Couples Marriage Challenge. This is real life. Don’t let anything stand in your way of making the changes you deserve. We can help financially. You just have to ask. Email Brett@CelebrateCalm.com or call 888-506-1871.What do you want YOUR spouse to know about how you feel inside?

Fight over bed, clothes, brushing teeth?

I am a single Mom that was raised in the south (now living in the nation’s capital). I am a firm, but loving mother, or so I thought. The rule is spare the rod, spoil the child, right?  I have a wonderfully bright and strong-willed 3 year old son who is looking to me for guidance. But, he and I have been at war over everything, getting dressed, brushing teeth, going to bed, getting out of bed. You name it and we fought over it.  I was angry at myself for failing as a parent and not being a better mom. I was resentful of the way he acted and I took it personally. I felt that his acting this way showed the whole world that I am a terrible mom. I tried spanking him, which only taught him to hit me back. I tried taking away toys, dvds etc, and he only threw bigger tantrums.

I was at my wits’ end when a friend sent me link to Celebrate Calm. I recently received my Celebrate Calm CDs and started listening to them. I was shocked and amazed. For the first time I do not feel all alone. I see my son so differently now. I had no idea that I was actually perpetuating Jameson’s bad behavior. I reacted to his bad behavior with my own bad behavior and voila –   A HOT MESS.

In a very short period our home life is so much better.  I know that we have a long way to go, but I feel so much more empowered to help him reach his full potential. I feel empowered to be a confident mother. I am relieved that I do not have to judge his whole life based on his actions at age 3.  I realize for the first time in my life that I cannot control anyone else but myself. NO ONE!  Furthermore, I want him to be empowered to make his own decisions and accept the consequences whatever they may be.

His teacher pulled me aside yesterday and asked what I was doing at home. Of course, I cringed thinking oh no what now. But she proceeded to tell me that he was much calmer and happier this week. He is not trying to get attention by acting badly. Yesterday he walked up to her and gave her this look and she said do you need a hug. He said yes ma’am.  Okay so the fact that he said yes ma’am made me happy but knowing that he is feeling safe enough to start expressing his feelings is AMAZING!

So, big hugs to you for helping us.  I do not know what I would have done without this new understanding of myself and my son. I know that we will have a challenging road once he starts school, but knowing what I know now will help me to face that with much more confidence. I look forward to getting more CDs in the future to continue helping us grow.

With Sincere Gratitude and Love,
Julie K.

Are you “messed up”? No. You’re courageous.

It is so tempting to think that if you are struggling in your marriage and family life, that you are a failure or “messed up” as one Mom wrote recently. But that’s not true. Relationships are difficult. They are supposed to be difficult. And that’s what gives them meaning.

I have been so humbled and inspired by the stories that I am reading as I prepare for the Relationship Rescue and Calm BootCamp that begin at the end of October. These are stories of men and women who have survived circumstances that would have caused many to give up–parents were alcoholics, they were abused, they’ve survived cancer and other sickness, they have children with multiple disabilities.

So this is my message to the families who are humbling themselves and asking for help with relationships that are in disarray. Do not hang your head low, do not feel like a failure, do not think you’re a bad person. No way. The fact is you are courageous. You are standing up and saying, “I need some tools. I need to learn new skills. I have the courage to own my weaknesses and mistakes, admit that I need help, and take action to change my future. My past does not determine my future. I am going to become a brand new person. I refuse to give up, I refuse to just let things spiral out of control, I refuse to just ignore my issues and hope they go away.”

THIS is the voice of a courageous person. And you have my admiration and commitment to walk through every painful step with you…because you have a great future ahead of you. Thank you for being an inspiration.
Kirk

P.S.Click to learn about the Relationship Rescue and Calm BootCamp. If you are ready to break generational patterns, join me. And if you need financial help, be bold and ask.

Sibling fights

Somewhere we got this romantic notion that our children would practice patience, empathy and compassion toward each other. Squabbling and wrestling would be rare. Right. And politicians would never lie. The history of mankind is littered with examples of sibling fights (and worse).  We all want kids who can get along, problem solve and handle conflict.

Three critical questions:
1. We want children who can control themselves. Can you control yourself? Do you find yourself yelling at your kids? Can Dad stay calm when things go wrong? If not, how can you expect your kids to control themselves?

2. Do you and your spouse know how to handle conflict? Do you actually solve problems? Or do you run away, act like they don’t exist and hope they go away, or become controlling and try to “fix” everything away?

3. Have you taught your children how to control themselves and problem solve? Or do you just yell at them to stop fighting, separate them, or make them apologize? Our kids will never learn to get along if we don’t teach them.