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26 Free Workshops: VA, MD, Boston, NJ, Rye NY, NC

Bring friends to the following FREE Workshops. There is no need to register.

  • Eliminate defiance, disrespect, and power struggles (even with teens).
  • Improve focus, attention, and behavior in class.
  • Relieve anxiety, sensory issues and sibling fights.
  • Create behavior plans that really change behavior.
  • Get kids to take responsibility for their attitudes, choices and work.

Want a sneak peak? Click below.

 

Thursday, November 1                9:30am – 11:30am (AM Event)
Nysmith School / 13625 EDS Drive / Herndon, VA 20171

Thursday, November 1                 7:00pm – 9:00pm
Westfield High School / 4700 Stonecroft Blvd. / Chantilly, VA 20151

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Friday, November 2                      8:45am – 10:30am (AM Event)
Poplar Tree Elementary / 13440 Melville Lane / Chantilly, VA 20151

Friday, November 2                     7:00pm – 9:00pm
Capt. John Daly Elementary / 20301 Brandermill Drive / Germantown, MD 20876

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Saturday, November 3                10:00am – 12:00pm (AM Event)
Crossroads United Methodist Church / 43454 Crossroads Drive  / Ashburn, VA 20147
* Say No To Your Kids, Parents & Guilt

Saturday, November 3                3:00pm – 5:00pm (Afternoon Event)
Our Savior Lutheran School & Church (Fellowship Hall) / 825 South Taylor Street / Arlington, VA 22204

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Monday, November 5                7:00pm – 9:00pm
Linton Hall School / 9535 Linton Hall Rd. / Bristow, VA 20136

Wednesday, November 7          7:00pm – 9:00pm
St. Michael’s Parish / 90 Concord Road / Bedford, MA 01730

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Thursday, November 8                9:30am – 11:30am (AM Event)
St. Michael’s Parish / 90 Concord Road / Bedford, MA 01730

Thursday, November 8                  7:00pm – 9:00pm
First Congregational Church of Milton / 495 Canton Avenue / Milton, MA 02186

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Monday, November 12                 7:00pm – 9:00pm
Memorial Junior School / 61 Highland Ave. / Whippany, NJ 07981

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Tuesday, November 13               9:15am – 11:15am (AM Event)
Morris Plains Borough School Auditorium / 500 Speedwell Ave. / Morris Plains, NJ 07950

Tuesday, November 13                 7:00pm – 9:00pm
Grace Episcopal Church / 4 Madison Avenue / Madison, NJ 07940

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Wednesday, November 14            9:30am – 11:30am (AM Event)
Grace Episcopal Church / 4 Madison Avenue / Madison, NJ 07940

Wednesday, November 14              7:00pm – 9:00pm  
Morris Plains Borough School Auditorium / 500 Speedwell Ave. / Morris Plains, NJ 07950

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Thursday, November 15                 7:30pm – 9:00pm
Rye Middle School / 3 Parsons St. / Rye, NY 10580 (Multipurpose Room)

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Friday, November 16                     9:30am – 11:00am (AM Event)
Damiano Recreational Center / 281 Midland Ave. / Rye, NY 10580 (Multipurpose Room)

Saturday, November 17                 9:00am – 12:00pm (AM Event)
Cascades Public Library / 21030 Whitfield Place / Potomac Falls, VA 20165
*Registration is required to attend this event. Limited number of seats available. The workshop will focus on improving focus, attention, behavior, anxiety and emotional regulation in the classroom.  Please click the link below.
http://www2.loudoun.gov/DesktopModules/EventsCalendar/Popup.aspx?ItemID=698&Mid=764&PortalID=0&TabID=281&d=20121117&culture=en-US 

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Tuesday, November 27                  9:00am – 11:00am (AM Event)
Triad Math & Science Academy / 700 Creek Ridge Rd. / Greensboro, NC 27406

Tuesday, November 27                  7:00pm – 9:00pm
Triad Math & Science Academy / 700 Creek Ridge Rd. / Greensboro, NC 27406

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Wednesday, November 28             8:30am – 10:30am  (AM Event)
The Fletcher Academy / 8500 Sardis Rd. / Charlotte, NC 28270

Wednesday, November 28             7:00pm – 9:00pm
The Fletcher Academy / 8500 Sardis Rd. / Charlotte, NC 28270

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Thursday, November 29                6:30pm – 8:30pm
The Fletcher Academy / 400 Cedarview Ct. / Raleigh, NC 27609

Friday, November 30                   8:30am – 10:15am  (AM Event)
The Fletcher Academy / 400 Cedarview Ct. / Raleigh, NC 27609

Friday, November 30 & Saturday, December 1                          
North Carolina: Open date for school or church. Contact us if you want to host Kirk & Casey


All events are FREE and there is no need to register
. Come out and bring a few friends!
Content will apply to toddlers, teens and everything in between. Feel free to bring kids.
Want to book Kirk & Casey at your school, church or synagogue? It’s easy. Call or email Brett.
888-506-1871. Brett@CelebrateCalm.com

Use Your Passion to Help People & Be Your Own Boss.

Kirk is mentoring 4 people to dramatically change their lives. Will you be one?

This mentoring is NOT for everyone. You must meet these five criteria:

1) You want to use your natural gifts, talents and passions instead of just working a job. 70% of people are unhappy with their jobs, but feel like they don’t have any options.

2) You want to help other people. It burns inside you. You want to to make a difference and help.

3) You want to wake up every day and live a purposeful life. You want your passions and lifework to meld together. You crave the freedom to be your own boss and determine your destiny.

4) You are ready to confront the deep strongholds and lies that have kept you trapped. “I’m not good enough.” “I don’t deserve it.” “I’m not worth it.” “I’m afraid to be successful.” These lies have held you back for decades. It’s time to create a deep, abiding self-confidence and self-respect.

5) You have the work ethic, pig-headed determination and desire to earn a very good living…and be in control of your financial health.

If you are looking for a get-rich quick scheme, you’ve come to the wrong place. Those will destroy your soul and leave you emotionally and spiritually impoverished. If you are not willing to be ruthlessly honest with yourself and let go of excuses, I cannot help you. But if you are willing to commit yourself, fight through the inevitable doubts and deal with those demons inside that have held you back, keep reading.

What Is This About?

I want to personally help you overcome your biggest doubts and fears…throughout the entire year of 2013…by mentoring you as you launch your own businesses from scratch or significantly grow an existing business. I am going to help you:
- Identify your natural gifts, talents and passions.
- Develop a marketable and profitable business…using YOUR gifts and passions…to help people.
- Develop a company name, website, business model (with different products and services), efficient marketing strategy, financial plan, etc. We are going to dig into the nuts and bolts of identifying and targeting the right customers, pricing your services/products correctly, using smart marketing and more.
- Build your reputation, practice and business in simple, practical ways.
- Save a ton of money every step of the way. Most people waste thousands of dollars on useless efforts. We launched Celebrate Calm with a $9.95 website. That’s it.
- Become a profitable, growing company.
- Most important, I want to build not only a business, but a new you. A confident you. A person who believes they have a purpose and destiny, and the tools to carry that out.

Why Am I Doing This?

The reason most people are not living their dreams is NOT because of the economy, the President, lack of education, lack of jobs, failure to get the lucky break or any other external factor: it’s because they don’t have the core beliefs inside to counter the destructive internal voice that says, “I’m not good enough. I don’t deserve success. I’m not worth it. I can’t do it.” Enough! I want to help you break free from this.

Too many good-hearted people get sucked into get-rich-quick schemes or multi-level marketing businesses that just don’t fit with their personality and passions. Most people are just stuck in jobs they aren’t passionate about, but they see no way out. Far too many people have gifts and want to help people, but they don’t know how to actually make money doing what they love. So they give up. Many good people don’t have the confidence to charge for their services, so their business fails. Let me say this emphatically. You must be profitable if you want to help more people. Saying, “I just want to help people so I’ll do it for free” is an excuse because you don’t value your gifts and talents enough…and so you give everything away for free…and nobody else values your talents. It’s a vicious cycle.

This is an idea that won’t let me go. I am busy enough with huge, exciting projects. I don’t need the money (though I am going to require a significant investment to participate.). But I am so grateful for the life I have that I’d love for others to be able to wake up everyday, know they are going to make a difference that day, earn a solid income and be their own boss. I have done it. I am living this. I know how to do it.

What Are My Qualifications?

I built Celebrate Calm from an idea I had one night to help children who everyone else had given up on. It began as my passion, something we did on the side while working a full-time job. We began inviting children with learning disabilities and behavior issues into our home. We eventually helped over 1,500 children develop confidence, social skills and emotional self-regulation. We have now spoken to 250,000 parents and teachers across the country.

I am not going to tell you our income because that’s not our style. But I will tell you that since 2009, we have been able to give over $300,000 to charity. That feels really good. That’s solid. That gets you up in the morning ready to work.

I am my own boss. I dictate how I spend my time. I’m not laying around on beaches all over the world. It’s not what I want to do. I work hard, but I have peaceful relationships and LOVE what I do everyday. Even more important is the transformation that starting this organization has created inside of me. I have had to overcome all of that self-doubt and menacing voices that taunt, “Who are you to do this? You’re not good enough.” I want to lead you through this transformation.

How is This Mentoring Different?

I am not going to get you all pumped up. We’re not going to walk on hot coals. You don’t need that. You are already excited enough to use this burning passion in you to help others. What you need is very practical advice and knowledge to show you HOW to create your own business and HOW to overcome those internal voices of doubt. I am not some charismatic guru who wants you to be just like me. I want you to be you! I want you to do this your way.

We are going to meet as a very small group–at the most, there will be four people participating. I want this to be personal while also giving you an opportunity to learn from and be encouraged by others. We are not going to meet in a hotel conference room–that kills creativity. We’re going to get out and meet at different locations throughout Nashville, places that I have found provide amazing service or unique products. There is going to be no fluff. This is about you.

A Final Warning

There is one other reason I want to do this, that is very different from what you normally hear. I want to help four people through this process because it is going to cause you to grow inside enormously. It is going to cause you to confront some internal demons that have robbed you your entire life. Some of you lack self-confidence. That’s why you won’t charge enough for your services. Some of you want freedom, but it scares you. So you always fall back into familiar patterns. Running your own business is going to expose you and make you vulnerable. And that causes growth.

You are going to be tested. You are going to have to deal with family and friends who tell you that you can’t do it. Just stick to what’s safe. You are going to have to deal with envy and people dragging you down because they are jealous that you have the courage to be different. Other people don’t want you pursuing your dreams because that exposes their own weaknesses. You are going to want to give up several times along the way. There will always be really good excuses to quit–you don’t have the time, the knowledge, the money, the support to do this. They are all excuses. You are going to hit walls and obstacles that make you mad, make you cry, make you scream at God. But then you are going to pick yourself up, get back on that horse and start riding. And you will find that this process has transformed you inside. That’s what I’m REALLY after.

Still Interested?

Here are the details. Though we will meet over the course of one weekend, this is a yearlong process. We’re going to do meaningful pre-work before we get together so that we can maximize our time. After our weekend together, we will continue to work together (primarily via email) for the following year. I want to see you through different triumphs and struggles along the way! 4 people/couples max. I want to give you a lot of undivided attention.

There are two options to participate:
(1) We will meet as a small group on one weekend only for all of 2013.  We are going to make a bold statement by kicking off the New Year with positive action steps.

(2) If you are ready to go now, we can schedule a weekend of one-on-one time together around my work schedule. If we’re coming to an area near you, we may be able to meet in your community instead of in Nashville. Just ask.

I will commit to spending 25 hours with you over the course of the three days. Depending on the desires of the group, we may meet earlier in the morning or stay later into the evening. I’m flexible. We’ll be moving around to different locations in the Nashville area to spark creativity and keep up our energy. You will be responsible for transportation and hotel. I will pick up all dining tabs when we are together. When you register, I’ll send information on convenient hotels in the area.

The cost to participate is a flat fee of $5,000. Why $5,000? That’s what my time is worth to me. I will help you save more than $5,000 by building your business wisely–learn from my mistakes. You will earn 5x, 10x or hopefully 20x this amount over time. It’s a good investment. I want you to be fully invested–once you jump into this journey, there is no turning back. There are no scholarships or discounts available. Once you commit and provide the $1,000 down payment, there are no refunds. I want you to practice being decisive one way or another. You can pay in installments and you have four months to save for the January class. The fee includes mentoring for BOTH spouses so husband and wife can come together.

Registration
Our 2013 Mentoring Class is filled already. We will, however, be announcing a weekend Passion to Profits Entrepreneurial Workshop shortly, at a fraction of the cost. We will cover a ton of ground so watch out for the announcement coming soon!


Register for “Passion to Profits” Mentoring


Register Now with 20% Down Payment
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If you want to pay by check or have any questions, call Brett at 888-506-1871 or email Brett@CelebrateCalm.com. He is the friendliest person on the planet and can answer all of your questions.

 

 

Atlanta: 5 Workshops in July

Bring friends to the following Workshops. 

Kirk and Casey will be sharing practical, concrete strategies to:

  • Eliminate defiance, disrespect, and power struggles (even with teens).
  • Stop sibling fights, tattling and “That’s not fair!”
  • Break generational patterns of yelling, controlling and perfectionism.
  • Get kids to take responsibility for their attitudes, choices and work.

Want a sneak peak? Click below.

 

Thursday, July 26               7:00pm – 9:00pm    Marietta, GA
Holt Road Baptist Church / 675 Holt Road  / Marietta, GA 30068

Friday, July 27                   10:00am & 1:45pm     Atlanta, GA
Register for the Atlanta Homeschool Convention

http://www.southeasthomeschoolexpo.com/

Cobb Galleria Centre / 2 Galleria Parkway / Atlanta, GA 30339
10:00am     Stop the Yelling & Power Struggles
1:45pm       10 Ways to Stop Defiance, Disrespect & Meltdowns

Saturday, July 28             10:00am & 12:30pm     Atlanta, GA
Register for the Atlanta Homeschool Convention
Cobb Galleria Centre / 2 Galleria Parkway / Atlanta, GA 30339
10:00am     Discipline That Works When Consequences Don’t / Stop Sibling Fights
12:30pm     Motivate Your Strong-Willed Child (without breaking his spirit)

Casey was disrespectful in public on Friday

What do you do when a child is disrespectful in public? How do you respond appropriately while maintaining your authority and self-respect? Below is a real-life story from this past Friday. It’s longer than usual, but worth reading.

Want us to come to your city? Call 888-506-1871 or email Brett@CelebrateCalm.com with the name of your school/church/synagogue and city. We’ll send you a one-page proposal.

When Your Child Is Disrespectful
Many months ago, we were asked to conduct seven presentations at the Nashville Homeschool Convention. We had been warned in several states that these Nashville people were hardcore. “Don’t be surprised,” people said ominously, “if no one shows up at your sessions or they walk out in protest because they just want to beat their kids into submission.”

So obviously Casey and I couldn’t wait for this past weekend :)   When 200 people showed up for the first session, we thought they had come to stage a protest!

I delivered a tough message. In order to change your home life, Moms and Dads, you must grow up and learn to control your anxiety, perfectionism, and need to please everyone. How can you expect your kids to control themselves…if you cannot control yourself? What you believe and say means nothing…if what you do contradicts it.

I asked families who wanted to break generational patterns of yelling to boldly commit to listening to the CDs for the next three months as a family. To draw a line in the sand and instead of just hoping for change, take concrete action steps to change behavior patterns that are killing relationships. Yes, our CDs require an investment. But it’s no more than a flatscreen, a couple therapy appointments or more than we spend on Starbucks or fast food over the course of three months. Once you and your children learn self-control, it lasts a lifetime.

We thought perhaps a handful of families would be receptive given what we’ve been told. So I left Casey to run the booth while I spoke to parents. After the third session, I had a little line forming behind me as I spoke with a Mom. All of a sudden, Casey came barging into the scene. Uh oh. I’d seen those eyes before. Intense. On fire. Face flush. Hair line sweaty. I could tell by his body posture this wasn’t going to be pretty.

“Where are the car keys, Dad?” he demanded.
I excused myself from my conversation and asked Casey how I could help.
He was clearly flustered. “Why didn’t you answer any of my texts?”
“I was talking to parents.”
“Well,” he barked, “I’m swamped at the booth and out of CDs.” As he rushed off, he  said, “You need to answer my texts and I need you at the booth NOW.”

What was going through my mind then? The same thing as any parent. His tone was demanding and disrespectful. It put me on the defensive. Now I’m standing in front of these parents looking to me for help, so that twinge of embarrassment comes up. After all, I’m the parenting expert and my child is speaking this way?! So what should I do?

I wanted to dress him down right there. After all, I am oppositional myself and I don’t allow kids to be demanding. I had every right as the parent to snap back at him in that stern, disapproving manner, “Casey. That tone is unacceptable and you will not talk to me that way. I want an apology right now.” But that doesn’t make it right.

So I didn’t (this time!). I had been teaching this all morning so it was top of mind. Instead, I replied in an understanding tone, “Hey Casey, I appreciate you working so hard. I’ll be right there.”

I excused myself from the line of parents. 40 seconds later, I received it. A text. From Casey. “Dad, I’m sorry for my tone. I shouldn’t have done that.” Bingo!

Let’s break this down:
(1) Casey was “on fire” emotionally. I cannot control how he is feeling. But I can control how I respond. And my response is either going to pour fuel on the fire or calm the situation.

(2) Why is this so hard? Because we get anxious when we hear disrespect. We don’t want to be embarrassed. But embarrassment is your issue. You are allowing the opinions of a stranger to dictate how you interact with your child. So you snap back, inflame the situation and trigger a worse response. And everyone says things they don’t mean. That’s already happened in your home this week, hasn’t it?

(3) I have to be the grown up and not make everything about me. When I step out of my anxiety (how is this affecting ME?) and instead walk in my child’s (or spouse’s) shoes (why is HE upset?), then I see with clarity. How many fights occur because we assume the worst about others’ intentions, but the best about our own?

Oh, my son is overwhelmed. He wants to provide the best customer service possible (because that’s what I have instilled in him) and now he’s had to leave parents alone at the booth. So he’s frustrated. Does that excuse his disrespectful tone or make it right? No. But it provides an opportunity for ME to break the cycle.

(4) Everything in me wanted to snap right back at Casey that afternoon. I could feel it rolling off my tongue as I jabbed the dagger into him at that moment. Honestly, though, did I need to point out how bad his tone sounded? What immaturity is that inside of us that wants to wag our tongues like a 4-year-old and say, “You know what? If you’re going to talk to me like that, then I’m not taking you to dinner tonight…”

(5) There’s no need to point that out. He knows it’s wrong. We’re at a stalemate here. Who’s going to respond next? See, as adults, we expect the 6 or 16-year-old to break the cycle and calm down…because the 40-year-old can’t. But that’s when we need to humble ourselves and lead our kids to a calm place. How?

(6) Practice the power of acknowledgement. “I appreciate you working so hard.” That simple statement made him feel understood. It was the humble response. Isn’t that how YOU want to be acknowledged when YOU are in a foul mood? Otherwise, I am left to acknowledge, “You’re being a jerk. You just wait til later.” Tell me which is better.

(7) I could have demanded a forced apology. “Apologize to me right now!” Instead, I got contrition. When I broke the emotional cycle, it enabled Casey to acknowledge his disrespectful tone and send the apology on his own, 40 seconds later.

(8) After dinner Friday night, we used this as an opportunity to practice what we could do differently next time. We role played how to handle frustration next time.

(9) In the moment, can you break the cycle and de-escalate the situation? Can your spouse? Or do you find yourself yelling, snapping and lecturing? If this was easy, you wouldn’t be reading this. The reason we are so adamant about listening together to the strategies is so this remains top of mind, renews your mind and becomes more natural. If you cannot control yourself, your kids will not respect you.

(10) So I’ll make you the same offer I made those families. If you make the investment and commit to making these changes, I will walk you through this for the next year. Get the CDs. Listen as a family. Email me with questions. And let’s make this the day when you get back control of your home and yourself. Ready?

If you need personal or financial help, be bold and contact Brett. He’s the nicest guy on the planet. Seriously. Email Brett@CelebrateCalm.com or call Brett at 888-506-1871. Say, “I need help” and we’ll connect you with the right resources.

Back-to-School Teacher Training: Help ALL Students Be Successful

How would next school year be different IF you could eliminate the toughest behavior issues, help students focus better and foster productive parent-teacher cooperation? What if students could take ownership of their own work?

We have helped 200,000 parents and teachers accomplish these goals with training that is practical, concrete and…enjoyable, even funny. Say NO to boring in-service training that only talks about theory–you need specific, concrete strategies that work in the toughest classroom and home situations.

Your PTA/PTO and Principal are planning your In-Service training now. Simply email Brett@CelebrateCalm.com or call 888-506-1871 with the name of your school and city. We will send you a one-page proposal and sample flyer you can take right to your school. Plus, we are including a FREE parent workshop in the evening so everyone is on the same page. For more information, please click here.

Click here to watch a short preview of a Fairfax County, VA Teachers Workshop:

Click here to watch a preview of our Parents Workshop.

Email Brett@CelebrateCalm.com or call 888-506-1871. Start the school year with parents, teachers and students on the same page.

 

Casey Unplugged in VA, NC, SC: 14 Free Workshops March 19-27

Casey shared some insights the past two days that I had never heard him share–they were actually pretty profound and hard-hitting. So I asked if he would begin sharing these at all of our upcoming workshops in Virginia,  North Carolina, South Carolina and Tennessee. This adds one more powerful element to the workshops that will change you and your family.

Look below for free workshops in Alexandria, Annandale and Richmond, VA; Greensboro and Asheville, NC; Greenville, SC; and Nashville, TN. We’ll even be speaking and providing strategies at our booth at a homeschooling convention in Greenville.

Bring friends to the following FREE Workshops. There is no need to register.

  • Eliminate defiance, disrespect, and power struggles (even with teens).
  • Improve focus, attention, and behavior in class.
  • Relieve anxiety, sensory issues and sibling fights.
  • Create behavior plans that really change behavior.
  • Get kids to take responsibility for their attitudes, choices and work.

Want a sneak peak? Click below.

Monday, March 19                              7:00pm – 9:00pm
George Mason Elementary /  2601 Cameron Mills Road / Alexandria, VA 22302

Tuesday, March 20                              9:00am – 11:00am (AM Event)
Oakwood School / 7210 Braddock Rd. / Annandale, VA 22003

Tuesday, March 20                              7:00pm – 9:00pm
Oakwood School / 7210 Braddock Rd. / Annandale, VA 22003

Wednesday, March 21                      9:30am – 11:30am (AM Event)
The Steward School / 11600 Gayton Rd. / Richmond, VA 23238

Wednesday, March 21                      6:30pm – 8:30pm
Westminster Presbyterian Church / 3906 W Friendly Avenue / Greensboro, NC 27410

Thursday, March 22                      9:30am – 11:30am (AM Event)
Westminster Presbyterian Church / 3906 W Friendly Avenue / Greensboro, NC 27410

Thursday, March 22     
                 6:30pm – 8:30pm
Saint Mary’s Catholic School / 101 Hampton Avenue / Greenville, SC 29601

Friday, March 23                         9:00am – 10:30am  (AM Event)
Saint Mary’s Catholic School / 101 Hampton Avenue / Greenville, SC 29601

Thursday through Saturday, March 22-24     Greenville Homeschool Convention
Kirk will be speaking at the convention each day on numerous topics
Registration required at http://www.greathomeschoolconventions.com/
TD Convention Center  / 1 Exposition Drive / Greenville, South Carolina 29607

Monday, March 26                        6:30pm – 8:30pm
Carolina Day School / 1345 Hendersonville Rd. / Asheville, NC 28803

Tuesday, March 27                        8:30am – 10:30am  (AM Event)
Carolina Day School / 1345 Hendersonville Rd. / Asheville, NC 28803

Saturday, March 31                        10:00am – 12:00pm  (AM Event)
Westminster Presbyterian Church (Fellowship Hall) / 3900 West End Ave. / Nashville, TN 37205


All events are FREE and there is no need to register
. Come out and bring a few friends!
Content will apply to toddlers, teens and everything in between. Feel free to bring kids.
Want to book Kirk & Casey at your school, church or synagogue? It’s easy. Call or email Brett.
888-506-1871. Brett@CelebrateCalm.com

Presentation Topics:

I. Motivating Strong-Willed Tots & Teens (1 hour)
- How do you motivate that teenager who has shut down or is defiant?
- How do you handle the 4-year-old who looks right in your eyes and says, “No!”
- How do we get kids to be responsible and successful?
- I am going to share some insight into these kids you have never heard before. I am going to show you why you want kids like this.

II. Sibling Rivalry, Fairness & Video Games (1 hour)
- How do you get kids to cooperate and stop fighting? To share?
- How do you get kids to resolve their conflict so you don’t have to be the sheriff?
- How to reconcile having one child who takes all your energy and time?
- We’ll show you how to deal with fairness and get your kids off video games.

III. How to Get Control of Yourself (1 hour)
- What are specific ways you can counter your anxiety and perfectionism?
- How do you use your intensity in positive ways?
- We’ll show you specific ways to deal with your emotional triggers.

IV. Discipline That Works (1 hour)
- How to get kids to be responsible for their own behavior (self-discipline) so you don’t have to “make” them behave.
- Why first time obedience is a myth.
- 10 powerful, simple methods to discipline with dignity.
- What do you do with kids who are loud in the backseat, interrupt you on the phone, throw tantrums at the store, whine at McDonald’s and more.

V. Stop Defiance, Disrespect & Meltdowns (1 hour)
- Why kids are more defiant today and how to prevent it.
- Practical help for kids who are flat out defiant or have O.D.D.
- How to stop a meltdown in public without losing your mind.
- How to turn emotional meltdowns into opportunities.
- How to deal with, “You’re stupid! I hate myself” and scary behavior.

VI. Calm the Chaos (1 hour)
- Casey will share “10 Things Kids Want Parents to Know”-powerful!
- How to cut the cords with your parents and stop trying to please everyone.
- How to create the lifestyle you really want so you can enjoy life.
- How to handle the most frustrating parts of the day.

Love is messy, ugly and painful.

I promised myself I wouldn’t offer platitudes to hurting people–that Celebrate Calm would be a place where we could tackle the ugliest situations with honesty and humility. People are hurting today and sometimes the flowers and gifts make the pain more acute, because the disparity between what could have been and reality becomes starkly vivid. If you find the below message helpful, please share it with others. Feel free to comment here or on our Facebook Page.


Love is messy, ugly and painful.

Today is Valentine’s Day. But love is not what the marketers tell us it is. Love is not flowers, chocolate and surprises. Love is not saying just the right thing. Love is not even doing the right thing. Love is not your children behaving well. Love is not having a wonderful day at the park. All of those things are lovely and nice, but they are not love. Love is not the romantic comedy where two star-crossed lovers find each other. The hard part, the love, is what happens six, nine, seventeen years later after the newness wears off.

Love is messy, love is dirty and sometimes ugly. Love is you staying present while your son is screaming that he hates you, but you persevere until you get to the root of the episode and discover he’s frustrated with himself. Love is when your teenager threatens to make your night miserable because you said “No”…and you don’t allow her mood to determine yours. You endure short-term pain because you want your daughter to know your home is a safe place with parents who aren’t afraid to disappoint their kids. Love is that difficult child who wasn’t the child you wanted, who you sometimes resent, but you keep believing.

Love is the couple taking the Calm Couples Challenge who are slowly rebuilding trust after an affair. Love is a husband willing to humble himself by admitting that he can run a business, but he has no idea how to have a relationship. Love is the alcoholic who admits he can perform surgery, but he cannot control his addiction. Love is the patient forbearance of a spouse who has been wronged, and has every right to exact revenge, but is working to rebuild trust with accountability.

To my friends whose faith is important, I caution you. Love is not a well-behaved child. Love is not the sterile portrait of a perfect family who hides its imperfection to please others. That is an illusion. Love is messy. Love is when a woman is dragged from bed while committing adultery, half-naked, drenched in shame…and a man writes in the dirt to preserve her dignity and disperses her accusers with one sentence. Love is when a prodigal son limps home, dirty outside and in, and is met not by a lecturing father looking to score points…but by a tear-filled father who runs and hugs him. Love is a servant on his knees washing his followers’ feet. Love is a prostitute given another chance. Love is what compels an innocent man to be whipped, beaten, spat upon and nailed to a tree. This is where love lives.

If you learn to embrace the imperfection in your daily life–that husband who means well but doesn’t always know the right thing to say, the overwhelmed wife who lacks self-respect because she’s always trying so hard to make everyone happy, the little boy with the huge mouth and heart to match, the teenager flailing away searching for himself and his independence–then you will discover that right in the middle of this mess is where love lives.

Yes, love is cleaning up your child’s vomit. Love is seeing the best in others even when they are mean to you. Love is having the self-respect to tell that abusive spouse you would rather be lonely than treated that way. Love doesn’t run, hide, ignore or hope the mess goes away. Love sees the imperfection and courageously faces it, forgives it, teaches it, works through it. I hope you find beauty in imperfection today.

Kirk

P.S. If you want help with the ugliest, dirtiest, most painful relationships…if you want help knocking down the walls you’ve built, untangling years of lies to yourself and others…if you want to really experience the love that is described above…this is a safe place. Take the Calm Challenge. Get the CDs for practical, real life help.

P.S.S. If you need help financially, you must be bold. Call or reply to this email and say, “I need help!” We respect those who seek and knock boldly.

The best gift you can give your kids

Need help with an unmotivated child? Want to give a gift that lasts forever?
Do you think your challenging child (or spouse!) would remember a gift like the letter below? Can you bring yourself to write something like this? It can change lives. And it’s a great tradition for Hanukkah, Christmas or New Year’s Day.

Dear Casey,
I’m not interested in whether you’ve been “bad or good” this year. I want you to know that I am proud of you. In honor of your 17th birthday, here are 17 things that make you unique and tell me you’ve got a great future ahead of you. I saw you:

  1. Give up your Friday nights to go feed homeless people that others forget.
  2. Own up to your mistakes and learn from them.
  3. Start singing out loud while playing guitar, which takes a lot of guts.
  4. Humble yourself and apologize when you’ve messed up.
  5. Treat girls with respect.
  6. Push people’s buttons. It tells me you get what makes people tick. And I’ve seen you use that skill to help people…and know that must feel good inside.
  7. Stick up for your friends even when it means other kids harass you.
  8. Persevere and speak to students because you want to help them–even though it makes you feel sick to your stomach and lose sleep.
  9. Write down your goals and stop making excuses.
  10. Work really hard to become amazing at video games. I know you’ll use that persistence, creativity and problem-solving to do something great in life.
  11. Do boring, pain-in-the-butt chores for your Mom and Dad, even though I know you’d rather be doing something else.
  12. Go out of your way to help our neighbors during a rainstorm when no one was
    watching. But someone did see you. Good job, son.
  13. Be mischievous, not follow the rules and accept the consequences. It means you are human, can think for yourself and weigh consequences. I like that.
  14. Say, “No” when kids try to get you to do something you don’t want to do. That tells me you respect yourself and have confidence.
  15. Solve quadratic equations and learn periodic tables you’ll never use in life. You even showed your work…even when “It’s stupid, duh!”
  16. Get giddy when a Ferrari blasts past or a band plays your favorite song. Don’t
    ever lose that passion and childlike excitement.
  17. Grow from a teenager into a man.   

I am proud of you, Casey. You continue to be the best Christmas gift your Mom and I could ever ask for.
–Dad  
 
Moms and Dads, do this for your kids (and spouse). Toys break and are forgotten. Your kids will never, ever forget this gift. They will keep this note and read it over and over again, especially when they have a rough day. It takes time, but it will change your Hanukkah or Christmas. If you need help motivating your child, lecturing and taking away stuff will make it worse and create more defiance. Don’t give up! On New Year’s Day, we will begin showing you step-by-step how to motivate event the most challenging children through the Motivating Teens 40-Day Challenge.

If you need practical, concrete strategies to stop the yelling, defiance and meltdowns with kids of all ages, then be bold. Call Brett at 888-506-1871 or email Brett@CelebrateCalm.com. He can help you find the perfect tools that fit your budget and needs.

Keep enjoying your kids. Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas!

Ready to become a confident, assertive woman?

Take the Confident Woman Challenge

(Note: Our spring conference filled more quickly than we thought. You can participate from the convenience of your own home now.)
There is a quiet epidemic plaguing women in our society.
It is simmering under the surface, filled with pain, despair and quiet desperation. Even resentment and anger. An entire generation of mothers has been lied to. You were told that you should subjugate your individuality, gifts and passions to the wholehearted pursuit of being a mother and wife. You are part of an anxious, overprotective culture that is consumed with children. And it’s destructive.  Yes, being a mother and wife is a high calling. But you should not lose your self as a parent or spouse.

Do any of these statements describe you?

- I don’t feel like I have an identity anymore apart from my role as a mother and/or wife.
- I look in the mirror and don’t even recognize who I am anymore. I am not this anxious, yelling person my kids hear everyday.
- I feel so lost I don’t even know what my gifts, talents and passions are anymore.
- When I was young, I had a dream. But my parents didn’t approve so I did what I thought would make THEM happy.
- I am angry at myself for being so weak and allowing this to happen to me.
- I don’t know what I’d do with a few minutes of free time if I wasn’t managing everyone and everything. This is my identity now.
- I don’t like to ask my husband for help with the kids, house or anything because he works so hard.
- I apologize when I ask someone for help because I feel like I am an imposition.
- I realize now after reading this that I have little self-respect or confidence. This is disturbing to me.
- I am a “caretaker” for everyone in my life. I’m always helping others. Even my “friends” never really ask about me–they are always taking from me.
- I wish you knew the younger me. I was fun, confident and filled with all kinds of dreams. Now I just feel numb.
- I would rather at least feel used and needed than be alone with my thoughts. I don’t even know what I want.
- I am scared because I have no clue how to climb out of this.

Unfortunately, most women will suffer in silence. Maybe you have been too beaten down and depleted, or you don’t value yourself enough. But I implore you to take a stand. For yourself. And as a gift to your kids and spouse. Break this caretaker pattern that robs you of joy, self-respect and confidence. Good intentions are worthless. In order to get a breakthrough, you must take bold action.  You are worth it.

Would you like to accomplish these five goals?

1)  Learn how to respect yourself, recognize your intrinsic value and see your worth apart from anyone else or any role.
2)  Identify your specific gifts, talents and passions that make you a healthy, confident individual.
3)  Take proactive, affirming steps to break these negative patterns and replace them with positive, action steps.
4)  Learn how to be the confident, assertive, joyful woman who knows what you want.
5)  Connect with other women who can understand and encourage you.

Take the Confident Woman Challenge

Includes 40-Day Challenge + Social Networking with Other Women

(1) Participate in the 40-Day Confident Woman Challenge. We have all spent years creating bad habits and thought patterns. So we are going to actively mentor you, every single day, for 40 days…so that you can break generational patterns and create new habits. You will receive a message everyday by email with a specific action for you to take that day. We will prompt you to think differently about yourself and begin taking new action steps to demonstrate self-respect and confidence. Our next Calm Challenge class begins March 1, 2012. Spring is a great time to blossom in new areas.

(2) Connect with other women who can encourage you. We have created a special, private Facebook Community page so that you will be able to connect with other women before and after the Challenge. You’ll be able to discover new friends who share your interests, passions or struggles…and then stay in touch afterward. We want you making some lifelong friends who know the real you, who know you as an individual and not just as “Sarah’s Mom” or “John’s wife.”

Do this for you.

This is not about becoming a better Mom or better wife. It’s about you becoming fully you, becoming confident and learning self-respect. You’ve invested your blood, sweat and tears in helping your children and spouse find their passions–it’s time to discover yours.

Right now, this is how you will probably feel.

Scared. Who is this new person I’m going to become? What if my spouse or my kids–or even my own Mom and Dad–don’t recognize, approve of or like this new person? You may feel like you’re not worth this. “I just need to be grateful for all I have and stop expecting something different. This is just my fate.” That’s a lie and an excuse. You may feel afraid to be assertive, that your husband will minimize or dismiss this–”Why would you need that? You’re taken care of and have a great life.” Fight through that fear.

Take the Confident Woman Challenge
We are offering a 50% discount to the first 50 women who register for the Confident Woman Challenge that kicks off on March 1, 2012. The next Challenge will be in the summer. Register early and receive a significant discount.

Please contact Brett at 888-506-1871 or Brett@CelebrateCalm.com if you have questions or need an extended payment plan. We help everyone.


Take the Confident Woman Challenge–50% off for $297

I am ready to:
1)  Learn how to respect myself, recognize my intrinsic value and see my worth apart from anyone else or any role.
2)  Identify my specific gifts, talents and passions that make me a healthy, confident individual.
3)  Take proactive, affirming steps to break these negative patterns and replace them with positive, action steps.
4)  Learn how to be the confident, assertive, joyful woman who knows what I want.
5)  Connect with other women who can understand and encourage me.

 

Register Now


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Please email or call us at 888-506-1871 if you have questions or need an extended payment plan.

 

Take the 40-Day Calm Challenge

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Take the 40-Day Calm Challenge

Transform your relationships one day at a time.

You have the best intentions of working on your anxiety, relationships and marriage…but then the busyness of life sweeps your best intentions away. Worse yet, you don’t know HOW to break this cycle. You are at your wits’ end, ready to give up. The Calm Challenge creates long-term change because we focus intensely, each day, for 40 days on developing new habits…with yourself, your toddlers and teens, or your spouse.

Weekend retreats and training are inspiring, but long-term change only happens when two critical actions occur:
1) You develop new thought patterns and habits.
2) You know EXACTLY what to do.

That is the advantage of the 40-Day Challenge. We spend six weeks developing new habits on a daily basis. We give you the exact physical actions and language to use in the most difficult situations. Rather than pay Kirk $250 for a 50-minute phone consultation, you can change your life right from your own home…day after day. This is how your New Year’s Resolution becomes reality.

The 40-Day Calm Challenge includes:

1) Daily emails. Begin each morning with a very specific insight, practical strategy or assignment that will  transform your relationship with yourself, your children (including teens) or your spouse.  The daily emails are extremely helpful because when you wake in the morning, your assignment for the day will be waiting for you…delivered by email to your smartphone or computer. You can work on these assignments and strategies by yourself or with your spouse.

2) Hard-hitting strategies that will change your thoughts, behavior and relationships. You’ve said in your heart before, “Kirk gets me and my kids like he’s had a camera in our home.” Now you can get 40 straight days of Kirk’s wisdom and practical strategies–from working with thousands of families in your exact situation–at a fraction of the cost of personal consultations.

3) Over 200 questions answered in detail. Click the tab above to view the over 200 questions we answer in detail.  You can print off the answers and create your own notebook that lasts forever. Anytime a tough situation comes up, you’ll have a written answer to refer to 24/7. It’s a great way to get on the same page with your spouse.

4) In-depth Workbook.  At the end of the 40 days, we will email you a WORKBOOK document with all of the messages and answered questions. It is a library of wisdom for the toughest situations you face. Many families reread the daily emails to continue the transformation process.

5) Unlimited access to the Calm Challenge.  You can retake the Challenge as many times as you wish, over and over again. As new situations arise in your family life, you will have an ongoing resource to help you.

What do you REALLY get?

Anyone who tells you that you can change a lifetime of bad habits, anxiety, perfectionism or troubled relationships (with kids or spouse) in a week or two is lying to you. It takes time. We have found that 40 days of intensive focus can create new thought and behavior patterns, break negative cycles and build new foundations for long-term success.  These are the strategies Kirk used to transform himself from a worrying, anxiety-ridden, Type-A screamer into the leader of this movement; to transform the relationship with his son that he almost destroyed; and transform a marriage that was this close to ruin.

Once you make these changes, they last a lifetime. You have the opportunity to break generational patterns for good…so that your kids don’t grow up with the same issues plaguing them.

CHOOSE FROM 4 CHALLENGES

Though equivalent personal consultations or weekend training sessions would cost over $2,500, Kirk has agreed to provide the 40-Day Challenges at a fraction of the normal cost. The total for everything is $297 per family. The fee includes participation by both spouses. Do this for YOU.

Please email or call us at 888-506-1871 if you have questions or need an extended payment plan.
New classes begin February 5, March 4, April 8 and May 6.


Calm Challenge

Are you overburdened trying to manage your kids’ and spouse’s happiness and emotions? Do you feel resentful because you do everything? Guilty when you don’t? Does it hurt when you constantly get on your kids…when it’s really about your own anxiety?

Does perfectionism control you sometimes? Tired of losing it, letting kids push your buttons? You’ve tried on your own to just relax, but you’ve never gotten to the root of your anxiety. And you end up falling back into the old traps, which creates a vicious cycle of guilt and hopelessness.

We’ll show you how to handle the most difficult situations, get on the same page with your spouse, set proper expectations. This is about and for YOU. You have probably neglected your own needs for far too long, trying to please everyone else–without taking care of yourself. This only leaves you resentful and depleted emotionally. It’s time to change these habits.

Register Now

New challenges begin on the first  Sunday of every month.
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Just write the month you prefer to begin in the Comments section when you register.


Relationship Rescue Marriage Challenge

Ugh. I know you don’t even want to deal with this now because you are exhausted, but you must. It only gets more difficult the longer you wait. It isn’t going away.

Do any of these situations describe yours?
- Your husband hasn’t been engaged emotionally. You didn’t want to rock the boat so you didn’t say anything. He thought things were okay. Now you are fighting resentment and don’t have the emotional energy to even try.

- One spouse has announced their intention to separate or divorce. Is there a way to repair this, even though the grass looks greener?

- You don’t even know how to talk about anything meaningful. You make small talk to keep the kids and house moving along, but you can’t ever bring anything up.

- You don’t know how to handle conflict of any kind. So you don’t say anything or your spouse runs away. Or maybe one spouse tries to control everything so the issues go away.

- Trust has been broken because of infidelity or secret addictions. Forgiveness isn’t enough—can you rebuild the trust? Do you even want to?

Click here to read much, much more about this Challenge.

Register Now

New challenges begin on the first Sunday of every month.
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Just write the month you prefer in the Comments section when you register.


Motivating Tough Teens Challenge

By the time your child is a teenager, you are exhausted. You’ve likely battled for more than a decade. You have scars. So do your teenagers. Just being in the same room sometime prompts a fight. Dinners are tense.

When I ask you to list their gifts and strengths, all you can say is they like to talk back, play video games and sit around. You feel like time is running out. Their peers are getting ready for college. Your child? If he would just apply himself, he could live up to his potential. So you get on him, lecture him…and drive him further away.

Some teens get involved in drugs; some choose apathy. How can a child with such promise turn out like this? Where did it go wrong? Most importantly, we are going to answer these two questions: how can we re-establish that connection we want so badly? And how can we help even the most challenging teenagers become successful? We will give you specific, concrete steps to make this happen. So don’t give up yet!

Register Now

New challenges begin on the first Sunday of every month.
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Just write the month you prefer in the Comments section when you register.


Take the Confident Woman Challenge–New Class Begins May 1, 2012

I am ready to:
1)  Learn how to respect myself, recognize my intrinsic value and see my worth apart from anyone else or any role.
2)  Identify my specific gifts, talents and passions that make me a healthy, confident individual.
3)  Take proactive, affirming steps to break these negative patterns and replace them with positive, action steps.
4)  Learn how to be the confident, assertive, joyful woman who knows what I want.
5)  Connect with other women who can understand and encourage me.

Click here to learn a lot more about the Confident Woman Challenge.

 

Register Now


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Please email or call us at 888-506-1871 if you have questions or need an extended payment plan.

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What You Can Expect from the Calm Challenge

This is a pretty intensive process for a purpose. It is not to overwhelm, but to immerse you daily in developing new thought and behavior patterns.

Set aside at least 15-30 minutes each day to reflect and take concrete action steps toward transformation. Make the time. It’s part of the entire process–taking back control of our time, family life and inner life. The more time you put into this, the greater the transformation.

You will receive a new message every morning at 5am EST. It will likely be the first email you see in the morning. Each message will have a distinctive subject line identifying that day’s topic following this pattern: “CC DAY 1: I SHOW SELF-RESPECT.” Create a folder in your email program titled Calm Challenge. You can file each message in this folder. That makes it easier to find and review relevant messages even a year from now.

Certain messages will be more relevant to you the first time you read them. On subsequent reviews of the messages, you will continually go deeper and deeper.

I ask you to trust the process. We are NOT going to be digging into specific issues with our kids at first. That will come later. Men, I know you will want to roll your eyes when you see certain topics, but every message has a purpose. Let the process work. Be open to it. Be brutally honest with yourself. I found upon reviewing this myself recently–after having created this content over 12 months ago–that it continues to challenge me in new ways.
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200 Questions We Answer in the Calm Challenge

Following are 200 personal questions, issues and triggers we have addressed in detail during our Calm Challenge. We get very deep and specific.

  • How could I handle situations when I have to tell the kids over and over each day to pick up after themselves, don’t take too long in the shower, get things out of car, do homework?
  • How can I teach my kids to be responsible for their actions?
  • Kids not listening.
  • What are appropriate expectations of my kids?
  • Being late. When I’m running behind or when people show up late. When my husband says he’ll be home and shows up anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour late.
  • When people move my things and never put them back
  • My teenager is smart, but he’s just lazy and not living up to his potential.
  • Back talking from the kids…”my son never just says yes mom.. it’s always a “but” or “after this” or “how about if I do this instead”
  • Not keeping hands to self—kids poking at each other, touching each other’s stuff.
  • How does your view of authority figures/God affect you as a parent? Is your acceptance by your parents/God based on your behavior or their mercy? By what you do or what they do? That will determine how you view your child’s behavior.
  • When my kids lie.
  • Nothing is ever good enough for my spouse.
  • How do we develop reward systems that actually work?
  • When my kids whine-especially when they repeatedly ask for things I’ve said no to, like more dessert, more screen time—things that are privilege—they sound so spoiled when they do this.
  • My spouse is always fussing at someone or everyone.
  • I feel like I’m out of control because I can’t keep everything clean and organized.
  • Rushing/not enough time to get somewhere by a certain time—this is usually my fault, but is made worse if anyone else is slowing me down.
  • Messy house/things left all over – by my husband & kids – which makes me feel like they think I’m their maid – this trigger is worse the worse the mess is.
  • When my husband gets the kids all worked up right before bed by rough-housing with them. – I’ve been asking/telling him for the 10 years we’ve had kids to do something “calming” with them right before bed, like read
  • When I’m on the phone/cooking dinner/trying to get something done & the kids are acting up.
  • When my kids do something to embarrass me, like eating with poor manners in public, misbehaving.
  • Once I get in a bad mood or grumpy, I tend to stay there for too long and need help breaking the cycle more quickly.
  • When my mother or husband say something that offends me, I retreat or avoid. I feel paralyzed.
  • How can I separate my identity from my mother’s opinion of me?
  • How can I stop reacting immediately? It’s what I have always done.
  • How do I prioritize what is best for whole family, not just one person?
  • My spouse and kids have ADHD. I am an overwhelmed engineer, project manager type. How do I hold up the scaffolding of our home life and let kids own their actions without failing?
  • I need help with figuring out what I should insist on as a parent and what to let go of.
  • When hubby gets upset, how do I support him rather than escalating by coming into situation?
  • My husband feels like he’s left out of decisions and doesn’t have a voice.
  • How do I get my husband to engage with us instead of running away or staying at work?
  • What do we do when my husband barks and inflames the situation, making everyone walk on tip toes around him, and then checks out?
  • Hubby instigates, kids get upset, hubby takes away computer and privileges.
  • Child stands over me whining because he’s bored while I am trying to balance checkbook or do work. Distracting and irritating.
  • Loud noises irritate me.
  • Kids don’t have confidence or feel good about themselves.
  • I get very irked by background talking and playing around in class. I cannot seem to control my tone of voice—I get an edge – too mean—and then the kids resist even more. How can I keep a calm/even tone of voice?
  • I struggle with clutter; can you help?
  • I am sometimes wishy-washy with discipline. How can I be more consistent?
  • I find it difficult to think of creative solutions to issues and don’t always think and act well on the fly.
  • How do we motivate our son to take care of himself?
  • I have to mediate between my spouse and the kids. It’s exhausting.
  • I want to be in control. My dad was very controlling.
  • How do you distinguish between changing someone and teaching someone?
  • I really have a need to lecture.
  • My teenager has such an attitude. I find he can bring me down just by walking into a room.
  • I am great at silent treatment punishment. My body language and facial expressions tell everything about me.
  • My mom was a screamer growing up, and I have been trying very hard over the past year to avoid doing that at all cost.
  • I love my daughter, but I don’t always like her. I feel guilty for that.
  • My father was an alcoholic and ruled our house. I don’t want to be that same father.
  • We butt heads because we both want to be the dominant ones.
  • My husband and I are sick of being irritated with each other all the
    time.
  • Son has anxiety and mild OCD.
  • Do you have any thoughts about medications for children?
  • I need help with the issue of other people believing that I need to control my kids.
  • I struggle with ADD, OCD, Anxiety and other issues. Should I see a therapist, go to a support group, etc?
  • How do my spouse and I get on the same page, with finances, discipline, eating, everything?
  • I stay up too late, can’t get up. Exhausted. I make morning miserable for kids. Hate this habit for years. Any help you can provide to kick my lazy butt out of bed would be wonderful.
  • How do you stay calm when your child is losing it physically?
  • My son is making good progress towards managing his anxiety/anger etc. I however, still fly off the handle and get angry.
    How do I stop eating when I am anxious?
  • I feel like I have to repeat things 3 or more times before directions are followed.
  • I always want to please others.
  • Triggers for tantrums: whining, lying, direct disobedience/defiance, indifference, being yelled at, questioning/what if’s, fighting (verbal, physical, mental), asking them to do something many times, not following directions, talking back, “I forgot,” begging, being caught off guard, being ignored, unthoughtful actions.
  • Reasons for my reactions: insecurity, fear of kids’ reactions and moods, being unprepared myself, no plan of action, afraid I’ll say something wrong, don’t want to upset anyone, easily intimidated, don’t want to hurt feelings, “I am the Mom. I know what I am talking about,” “This is my job and you are making it harder,” protection, sensitivity, overwhelmed, perfection.
  • My son is getting ready to go to college. How do I back off and let him own this rather than losing sleep over every test, his SATs, wondering if he’s going to get into the right college and more?

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Will This Work for Me?

Last year, Kirk debuted this process with a small group of families in North America and Europe. We asked the families for their confidential feedback and here are random responses we thought you’d find helpful.

“It is only after starting this that I have started to love and appreciate what I have. I have stopped some of my addictive behaviors. This has truly made a huge impact in my thinking. Thank you for helping me get my self-confidence and JOY in my (our) lives!!”

“I have been the ‘retreater’ of uncomfortable situations because that is what I have done forever. Yesterday, I told my son that I get demanding when they don’t do their schoolwork or something quick enough because of my own anxiety. He sat there quietly and then said, ‘Mom, I love you’.”

Why did you join the Calm Challenge?

“After years of just using my kids (two with special needs) as an excuse for our crazy life, I realized it was time I changed myself.”

“One day my sister said, ‘Do you realize you’ve turned into Mom?’ I had become so controlling and obsessed about everything, from what my daughter wore to what she ate to how she talked to me and others. I couldn’t even enjoy her anymore.”

“When you wrote the message about becoming resentful, that was me. I didn’t know how to get respect because I didn’t even respect myself. Eye-opener.”

“I signed up with my husband. He’d come home and yell every night because that’s what his father did, and then when they didn’t shape up, he’d take away all their privileges. I wanted him to hear this from another man, that it isn’t the way it is supposed to be. We spent fifteen minutes every night talking about US, not the kids. He’s a different man.”

What was the most difficult part of the Calm Challenge?

“…just believing that I COULD be different. I’ve been stuck in this pattern for so long and been to so many therapists for my kids, but never realized how much power I have. But I needed this.”

“…admitting it was my issue and not my kids or anyone else…”

“…letting go of my control issues. I think I was comfortable being a control freak because it made me feel like I was in charge when I really wasn’t. But it’s all I had known so it felt safe to me.”

What surprised you most?

“…how I began to look forward to the daily time with myself. I hadn’t had that for years and it felt good.”

“…hands down, the spiritual aspect. I always said, ‘God is in control,’ but I was lying to myself. I was in control and that didn’t work out so well, now did it?!”

“I really liked Kirk’s personal answers to other people’s questions that I had not thought to ask. It helped to know other people were thinking the same thing and struggling with similar issues.”

“This went way deeper than I had imagined. I didn’t know I had been carrying this anxiety since I was a child, but it felt liberating to let it go.”

What did you find most helpful?

“…the daily action steps…I know it takes weeks to build new habits and I needed this. It has carried over and now I can’t imagine not having this time with myself each day…life-changing…”

“Kirk’s answers to tough questions. It makes so much sense. From the first day, I’ve thought he understood me and my kids more than anyone else I’ve ever met.”

“I’ve been to weekend retreats before, but the magic wears off after coming home. The 7-week thing scared me at first, but it’s what helped most. With a busy family, it helped that I could access it from my home or car or office, and I didn’t have to travel to some remote place.”

“…my family life is completely different because I am a different person. That’s priceless. My husband noticed the difference so I gave him my workbook to read. So far, so good!”
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