Wish you had a personal consultation with Kirk or all day to get answers to specific questions?

Now you do.
A personal consultation with Kirk typically costs $250 per hour. But on Saturday, July 27th, you have unlimited access to ask Kirk specific questions about your family situations for 7 HOURS. Ask Kirk any question you want. Listen to answers to questions from other parents that you would have forgotten to ask. It’s a full day or learning about  defiance, discipline, and sibling issues; morning routine,  homework time, dinner, bedtime and potty training; situations with toddlers, teens and everyone in between; marriage/relationship issues; how to let go of your anxiety and make yourself a priority; nutrition and medication; what to do when a child does [you fill in the blank]. You get to choose the questions you ask. Click on the tab above for even more Questions We Answer.

PERSONAL Q&A WITH KIRK
When:   Saturday, July 27
Time:   9:00am – 4:00pm.
Where: Embassy Suites in Tysons Corner, VA. (8517 Leesburg Pike / Vienna, VA 22182)

• Ideal location for access to sightseeing in Washington, D.C.
• Make it a weekend getaway with your spouse or girlfriends.
• We have a block of rooms reserved for only $99.00. Phenomenal rate for the D.C. area.
• Details will be sent upon registration for class.

Here is what you get:

• Unlimited access to ask Kirk specific questions about your most difficult family situations. The class is an open format–parents will ask Kirk questions about an unlimited number of topics.
  
• You can even email Kirk your questions before the class.
• During the class, you get the benefit of hearing answers to other parents’ questions.
• For less than the price of one phone consultation, you get 7 hours of insight and strategies tailored to your situation.

BONUS! EARLY BIRD REGISTRATION.
In the past, we charged $500 for this training. However, we want to remove any obstacles from parents attending. IF YOU REGISTER BEFORE MAY 31:
- You and your spouse may attend for only $197.00.
- We will also include Kirk’s Written Q&A FREE. Get written answers to over 100 of the most challenging parenting questions for FREE (typically $97). Instantly downloads when you register.
Click here to view the downloadable Q&A.

REGULAR REGISTRATION

• Register before May 31st for only $197.
  
• Register anytime in June for $297.
• Register anytime in July for $397.

First come, first serve. There are no refunds because space is very limited. You may pay in one or two payments below.  If you want to pay by check, please contact Brett at 888.506.1871 or brett@celebratecalm.com.

Here are just some of the questions we can answer during this time with Kirk:

When my kids lie.

Nothing is ever good enough for my spouse.

How do we develop reward systems that actually work?

When my kids whine-especially when they repeatedly ask for things I’ve said no to, like more dessert, more screen time—things that are privilege—they sound so spoiled when they do this.

My spouse is always fussing at someone or everyone.

I feel like I’m out of control because I can’t keep everything clean and organized.

Rushing/not enough time to get somewhere by a certain time—this is usually my fault, but is made worse if anyone else is slowing me down.

Messy house/things left all over – by my husband & kids – which makes me feel like they think I’m their maid – this trigger is worse the worse the mess is.

When my husband gets the kids all worked up right before bed by rough-housing with them. – I’ve been asking/telling him for the 10 years we’ve had kids to do something “calming” with them right before bed, like read.

When I’m on the phone/cooking dinner/trying to get something done & the kids are acting up.

When my kids do something to embarrass me, like eating with poor manners in public, misbehaving.

Once I get in a bad mood or grumpy, I tend to stay there for too long and need help breaking the cycle more quickly.

When my mother or husband say something that offends me, I retreat or avoid. I feel paralyzed.

How can I separate my identity from my mother’s opinion of me?

How can I stop reacting immediately? It’s what I have always done.

How do I prioritize what is best for whole family, not just one person?

My spouse and kids have ADHD. I am an overwhelmed engineer, project manager type. How do I hold up the scaffolding of our home life and let kids own their actions without failing?

I need help with figuring out what I should insist on as a parent and what to let go of.

When hubby gets upset, how do I support him rather than escalating by coming into situation?

My husband feels like he’s left out of decisions and doesn’t have a voice.

How do I get my husband to engage with us instead of running away or staying at work?

What do we do when my husband barks and inflames the situation, making everyone walk on tip toes around him, and then checks out?

Hubby instigates, kids get upset, hubby takes away computer and privileges.

Child stands over me whining because he’s bored while I am trying to balance checkbook or do work. Distracting and irritating.

Loud noises irritate me.

Kids don’t have confidence or feel good about themselves.

I get very irked by background talking and playing around in class. I cannot seem to control my tone of voice—I get an edge – too mean—and then the kids resist even more. How can I keep a calm/even tone of voice?

I struggle with clutter; can you help?

I am sometimes wishy-washy with discipline. How can I be more consistent?

I find it difficult to think of creative solutions to issues and don’t always think and act well on the fly.

How do we motivate our son to take care of himself?

I have to mediate between my spouse and the kids. It’s exhausting.

I want to be in control. My dad was very controlling.

How do you distinguish between changing someone and teaching someone?

I really have a need to lecture.

My teenager has such an attitude. I find he can bring me down just by walking into a room.

I am great at silent treatment punishment. My body language and facial expressions tell everything about me.

My mom was a screamer growing up, and I have been trying very hard over the past year to avoid doing that at all cost.

I love my daughter, but I don’t always like her. I feel guilty for that.

My father was an alcoholic and ruled our house. I don’t want to be that same father.

We butt heads because we both want to be the dominant ones.

My husband and I are sick of being irritated with each other all the
time.

Son has anxiety and mild OCD.

Do you have any thoughts about medications for children?

I need help with the issue of other people believing that I need to control my kids.

I struggle with ADD, OCD, Anxiety and other issues. Should I see a therapist, go to a support group, etc?

How do my spouse and I get on the same page, with finances, discipline, eating, everything?

I stay up too late, can’t get up. Exhausted. I make morning miserable for kids. Hate this habit for years. Any help you can provide to kick my lazy butt out of bed would be wonderful.

How do you stay calm when your child is losing it physically?

My son is making good progress towards managing his anxiety/anger etc. I however, still fly off the handle and get angry.

How do I stop eating when I am anxious?

I feel like I have to repeat things 3 or more times before directions are followed.

I always want to please others.

Is it really possible to not SHOW that you are upset, and is it even a good idea-shouldn’t the kids/my husband know how I feel? I know the advice is to

If misbehavior is continuing, even after I ask my kids to please stop doing whatever it is, how can I ignore it?

How do you handle silliness in the car, at the airport security line, at the dinner table? It can really push my buttons.

How do you handle 2 boys who like to wrestle and get physical…the younger one always cries about getting hurt and the older one feels it isn’t fair that he gets punished more just because the younger one cries?

How do I get away from reminding/lecturing my kids and what kind of consequences should I give if they do forget to do things like brush their teeth or wash their face before they need to be ready to go to school or go out of the house and be w/other people?

How do I keep my kids constructively busy during vacation so that they aren’t doing video games or watching tv more than 3 hours every day?

Again on video games-do you recommend set limits, like 3 hours/day max weekends and vacation and 2 hours max on school days, or do you recommend rather “going with the flow” and not having set guidelines–just taking it day by day, based on what’s going on that day, how well he worked on his homework, how the attitude is, etc?

What do you recommend as healthy ways to manage/address/handle anxiety-beyond the morning calming routine?

How do I keep from feeling defeated around my husband and kids when they are so negative?

As a homeschooler, how can I get my kids all on the same page to start the school day?

Should we arrange play dates as a reward for good behavior (i.e. if my son can be good a couple days in a row)?

My daughter has begun screaming and hitting me…and having tantrums every day. She even takes it out on her younger sisters, who are twins.

I definitely inherited me anxiety. Seems like an incredible challenge to change something so fundamental about me.  How in the heck did you do it??

How do we get our son (7) to brush his teeth? He won’t do it correctly. Then we have to re-brush and it escalates into a power struggle that takes ten minutes.

My son has difficulty accepting any type of defeat (even when it’s not really defeat) and he tends to quit. He will also cry, say it’s not fair and make excuses.

My son does NOT take any type of compliment or criticism at all.

My son is a perfectionist.

I struggle with indecision. I can make decisions with either side of my brain so I end up vacillating.

My son will say, “I just wish I was dead” or “I’m stupid.” How can he say this when we do everything we can to make him feel loved?

When the kids are loud, screaming, fighting in the car.

When they ask for TV, Wii, computer, DS, iTouch time.  We don’t have set rules, but I always feel like they overdo it.  I stress about them doing any of it at all partly b/c I feel like it’s bad for them and partly b/c I know there is going to be a big negotiation/fight when time is up.

When my 4 1/2 year old pees his pants because he won’t stop what he is doing to go to the bathroom.

When my kids have poor manners (burping, laughing, getting up, lying on the chairs, rocking on the chair legs) at meal time.

When my 6-year-old daughter refuses to get dressed in the morning or get out of bed.

When my kids are mean to each other with words and physically.

How do you communicate with an ex-spouse who doesn’t agree with you on a situation with your child (we’ll call him Jacob)? In this case, I think she’s being too harsh in expecting our son to stay committed to a new sport when she’s inconsistent getting him to his games.

When my mother or husband say something that offends me, I retreat or avoid. I feel paralyzed.

How can I separate my identity from my mother’s opinion of me?

When my kids do something to embarrass me, like eating with poor manners in public, misbehaving.

When my husband gets the kids all worked up right before bed by rough-housing with them. – I’ve been asking/telling him for the 10 years we’ve had kids to do something “calming” with them right before bed, like read.

When I’m on the phone/cooking dinner/trying to get something done & the kids are acting up.

I feel like I’m out of control because I can’t keep everything clean and organized.

When my kids whine-especially when they repeatedly ask for things I’ve said no to, like more dessert, more screen time-things that are privilege-they sound so spoiled when they do this.

What do you do when kids pick on each other and it gets physical? I can’t just let it go. So what do you do?

My daughter only wants to sit and play video games. Ugghhhh!

Once I get in a bad mood or grumpy, I tend to stay there for too long and need help breaking the cycle more quickly.

Loud noises and chaos.

Anytime I’m around my parents and I know they disapprove of my children’s behavior.

I feel like I have to deal with my parents disapproval on my end because my mother has outright told me that she believes that it is better not to talk about issues but to just overlook them.

Anything that makes me think my husband is showing more loyalty to his parents than me. I am embarrassed to even mention this because he’s a good man. Maybe I am overreacting.

We are getting ready to move. How do I keep the move from causing my kids more anxiety?

Last night, my husband said something that pushed two of my triggers and I exploded.  I wondered if you had any tips on controlling that explosive type of anger, before I even have time to think about it.

Every year, I get exhausted and have a pity party. It feels so wrong when I have so many things to be thankful for. I’m just exhausted.

My husband does fine with our daughter, but seems to enjoy humiliating our son who isn’t up to his expectations.

When my son gets frustrated while building something, I get involved, but start barking orders.

My husband doesn’t wait to work out with me and it makes me feel rejected.

My daughter seems to waste her time and I have a hard time with it because I have always been productive. It feels like she’s not being grateful for her opportunities.

My younger daughter gets upset when her sister tries to help her with homework. I can’t always be there, so I need help. What advice can you give my older daughter?

My son won’t do his school work. He’d rather be playing with Legos.

My son makes motor sounds with his mouth. It’s irritating and he seems to enjoy the attention.

I feel like I’m never good enough.

My son gets all worked up by the way his sister chews, hums, breathes!

When my son doesn’t behave at the table, my husband gets upset and corrects him. My husband goes overboard, so I try to step in. My husband feels like I overstep my boundaries. It’s a mess.

Trigger: My sons never keep their rooms clean enough. I am afraid they won’t be able to get out in case of an emergency.

How could I handle situations when I have to tell the kids over and over each day to pick up after themselves, don’t take too long in the shower, get things out of car, do homework?

How can I teach my kids to be responsible for their actions?

Kids not listening.

What are appropriate expectations of my kids?

Being late. When I’m running behind or when people show up late. When my husband says he’ll be home and shows up anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour late.

When people move my things and never put them back

My teenager is smart, but he’s just lazy and not living up to his potential.

Back talking from the kids…”my son never just says yes mom.. it’s always a “but” or “after this” or “how about if I do this instead.”

Not keeping hands to self—kids poking at each other, touching each other’s stuff.

How does your view of authority figures/God affect you as a parent? Is your acceptance by your parents/God based on your behavior or their mercy? By what you do or what they do? That will determine how you view your child’s behavior.

Triggers for tantrums: whining, lying, direct disobedience/defiance, indifference, being yelled at, questioning/what if’s, fighting (verbal, physical, mental), asking them to do something many times, not following directions, talking back, “I forgot,” begging, being caught off guard, being ignored, unthoughtful actions.

Reasons for my reactions: insecurity, fear of kids’ reactions and moods, being unprepared myself, no plan of action, afraid I’ll say something wrong, don’t want to upset anyone, easily intimidated, don’t want to hurt feelings, “I am the Mom. I know what I am talking about,” “This is my job and you are making it harder,” protection, sensitivity, overwhelmed, perfection.

My son is getting ready to go to college. How do I back off and let him own this rather than losing sleep over every test, his SATs, wondering if he’s going to get into the right college and more?

My kids drive me crazy; how can I get them moving more quickly and doing what I ask?

I’m an anxious person and I don’t like ambiguity. Can you help?

I home school our kids and although I love it, sometimes it really stresses me out! What can I do to relieve that stress?

What do I do when my kids won’t listen to my lectures? I want them to learn good life skills and it frustrates me that they tune me out.

Any quick thoughts on getting kids to do chores?

How can we make weekends less chaotic?

My spouse and I are divorced and have split custody. Any tips?

Being a single Mom is tough. Any tips?

Finances are a big stressor in our life. How do we stay calm when things are so tight?

My son (10) has a difficult time taking his pills. My husband and I get frustrated and take away privileges, but that’s not helping.

I get stressed because my son is so smart, but forgets his homework and assignments. How can we help him?

How do you stay calm when you’ve just had it?

 

Stop the Tension, Resentment & Emotional Withdrawal.

Get personal mentoring. Become a new person. Don’t settle.

You know you need to do something because THIS cannot continue. You don’t want your kids growing up thinking this is the right way to treat another person. Your spouse won’t go to counseling and retreats inspire you for two days. But you need to learn new skills in the context of everyday life with all its stress and conflict.

That is why we created Calm Couples University. You can go through this program right from your living room, anonymously, together with your spouse or alone. Here’s what you get:

(1) Three hours of honest insight and strategies that work in the real world. We have walked this hard road. This isn’t theory. We deal with the ugliness and messiness of everyday life, addictions and emotional neglect. Listen to the three audio CDs again and again.

(2) Two physical workbooks so that you have the actual conversations, words and action steps in writing. Each spouse can write in and work through his respective workbook. Some use it as a journal.

(3) Our 40-day Marriage Challenge. Here is where the rubber hits the road. We walk you through 40 different action steps. Each step is specific, concrete and very clear. You actually PRACTICE new skills in the context of your busy life and daily conflict. You can do this over 40 days or 120 days. Once you have practiced these new habits, they stick.

Here’s why this is so powerful: the 40-Day Challenge provides a specific framework for having a 15-minute conversation each day with your spouse. We give you the questions to ask or statements to make–even when you are tired, you don’t have to think up something to talk about. You’ll have a short, written assignment. Many couples have said it built in the habit to have a quality conversation each night.

(4) Personal mentoring. You can ask Kirk any question that you want, confidentially. You will receive a prompt, thoughtful, specific reply. This is the only personal mentoring Kirk is conducting in 2013. It’s that important. If your spouse refuses to interact, address his addictions or stop abusive behavior, you will have an understanding ear and concrete actions to take.

Who should register for Calm Couples University?

• Married women and men.
• Separated women and men–build a new relationship.
• Divorced women and men. Become a new you so you don’t repeat the same unhealthy patterns.
• A spouse whose husband is not willing to participate. Take the lead and show him you are serious.
• A spouse that has never said “no”–your spouse won’t respect you until you respect yourself.
• A spouse that wants to share how they REALLY feel, without being dismissed or neglected.

I’m 100% committed to walking you through this emotional process. I know from personal experience counseling costs thousands of dollars. Divorce can easily drain your savings and retirement. It takes an enormous toll emotionally, physically and spiritually on your family, especially your kids. I wholeheartedly believe this program should be priced at $997. However, we want hurting women and men to experience the power of this program.

Limited Time Only – 50% OFF

This program is available on a first come, first serve basis only. Because Kirk will personally mentor you through this process, he is limiting the number of couples per month. Register now for your spot.

Order Now. Reg. $997… NOW ONLY $497

Get two payments… NOW ONLY $250

Please contact Brett at 888-506-1871 or brett@celebratecalm.com with any questions. We want to make sure this is right for your family.

Personal Note from Kirk

OUR STORY
I took advantage of my wife because she was the good girl. She was raised by the martyr mother who neglected herself to make everyone else happy…and in doing so became miserable. I just always knew she’d do the right thing. I knew that I didn’t have to grow up and control my own anxiety and emotions…because my wife would manage them for me. “Kids, Dad’s on his way home. Pick up your Legos because you know he doesn’t like it when things are a mess.”

My wife learned that it was easier just to manage me and keep the peace, rather than rock the boat and deal with me blowing up or being gruff with her. So like the good girl, she put her hand to the plow, slowly simmered and became resentful.

When she did try to speak up and say, “We need to talk,” I would dismiss her concerns. “Oh honey, don’t worry about it, it will be fine.” I’d dismiss her concerns because I couldn’t deal with anything negative in life. My wife didn’t know how to be assertive—just do her duty.

When we had a decision to make, I would ask her opinion, but as soon as she offered it, I would steamroll right over her to prove my point. And so this interesting pattern developed. My wife became resentful about being taken advantage of, and I got bored because she was so reliable.

We were perfectly imperfect for each other. I was just like her Dad and she liked taking care of people. It’s what she knew. I was the perfect project. And I needed her stability and reliability… because I couldn’t control myself. We played our parts perfectly.

On the outside, we appeared to be a happy couple with a beautiful family. Living the American Dream. Inside, we were hurt, confused and wanting to give up.

We both had to become new and different people and learn new skills…or we would repeat the same patterns with new people. I stopped trying to save my marriage and instead said, “I am going to become a new person so no matter who I end up with, I am complete and whole and healthy.” My wife became a whole person. And that drew us to each other.

You have no other options but to change. Men—you must own up to this. It’s not a phase. It’s not going away. Women—you must have the courage and self-respect to change. Marriage is how we best model for our kids how to stay connected to people with whom we disagree, misunderstand and want to change. Marriage is the crucible through which we are transformed and become mature adults.

WHAT IS YOUR STORY? DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR?
Each of you has a story. Each of you is misunderstood in some way. What is your story?

You can’t have difficult conversations without getting defensive, angry or dismissive so you just stop talking about anything meaningful.

You’re a guy and want to connect, but your wife gives all of her energy to the kids and you feel left out.

Maybe you’re stuck in that pattern of managing your husband and kids. You look forward to your husband’s business trips because at least the tension leaves the house.

You hide at work because that’s all in your control. Your wife is so anxious about everything so you withdraw. Meanwhile your spouse has grown ragged with frustration and feels alone.

Your spouse hasn’t been engaged emotionally. You don’t want to rock the boat so you don’t say anything. Now you feel resentful and angry. Worse, you just feel numb.

Maybe you’re Mr. Fix It. You come home and yell at the kids, but it makes things worse. It’s your way or the highway, but you notice everyone withdrawing from you. Maybe you wanted that to happen so you don’t have to deal with people.

Maybe you’ve grown apart. Sometimes good people with good hearts take wrong turns. You may have a spouse who strayed or is struggling with addictions to alcohol, pornography or gambling.

Perhaps you got married for the wrong reason. And it’s just not working.

Maybe you have a pretty good relationship, but you want to learn how to connect emotionally in a deeper way.

No matter where you are right now, I want to set my expectations. My goal isn’t just to save your marriage. It’s to help you become a new person. An emotionally whole person who knows how to have healthy relationships with everyone around you. I want to break these negative generational patterns so your kids can grow up to have healthy relationships.

Men and women are in pain. So we have decided that in 2013, the only avenue through which we will conduct personal mentoring is the Calm Couples University program. If you have the courage to change inside and change your marriage, we will walk you through step by step and personally answer your toughest questions. We are ready. Are you?

FAQs
Will this help if my spouse refuses to participate?
It takes two people to create a pattern of negative behavior. But it only takes one person to break that cycle or pattern. You are supposed to break that cycle by YOUR actions. That way, you are not dependent on what someone else does.

Your goal shouldn’t be only to save your marriage. It should be to learn how to have healthy relationships with yourself, the opposite sex, your kids, your friends, your parents. This process will cause tremendous change within you. That’s the goal.

By the way, I encourage the willing spouse to invest the time necessary in this course. It allows you to tell your spouse, “This may not be important to you, but I care about you and our kids so much that I’m willing to work on changing myself whether or not you participate.”

Final note: some men will gruffly demand that their wives not spend the money to get counseling or do this program. Hogwash. This lets your spouse know you are serious about changing your relationship.

How is this different from counseling or therapy?
We use many of the same principles that a good counselor/therapist would use. But rather than having to go to a physical location (some people don’t have the time, money or willingness to meet in person with a counselor), we designed this program so that you can do it from the safety and comfort of your own living room. You get to listen to the recorded CDs over and over again, and work through the Challenge as many times as you wish over the years.

You also have the opportunity to ask really personal, even embarrassing questions, via the anonymity of email. It means everything is open to discussion.

What if my spouse has an addiction?
This is much more common than you may imagine. We will work through different scenarios with specific action steps to help create a safe environment with proper boundaries. It’s not easy, but it’s critical that you learn to take a stand instead of enabling an abusive spouse.

I am divorced and dating again. Can this help me?
Absolutely. You may have some patterns in your life that cause you to attract controlling or anxious men/women to you. You don’t need to find the right man next time—you need to become the right person. An emotionally whole person who is confident and assertive. Until you are able to demonstrate self-respect, you will keep attracting men who do not respect you. I think pre-marital counseling or a program like this should be mandatory.

Can you guarantee you’ll save my marriage?
Absolutely not. Some of you may be in abusive or neglectful relationships that are unsafe physically or emotionally. What you may actually need is to have some time apart from your current spouse. And unfortunately, the very best next step for some is to cut ties with a spouse who refuses to acknowledge his or her part in your relationship troubles.

Here is what I will promise you. If you work through these steps in a purposeful, consistent manner, YOU will become an entirely new person. You will become a healthy person capable of respectful relationships with the opposite sex, your friends, your kids and your parents.

Why is Calm Couples University so expensive?
It’s really not. In fact, it’s the best investment you can make in yourself and your family. The truth is we pay this much for flat screens and toys our kids don’t play with anymore. We have all blown this much on clothes, furniture, vacations and other items that didn’t change our lives. It’s about priorities. I have invested myself fully in this process and will only mentor people who are ready to go all in to change.

And you know this. Counseling and therapy costs thousands of dollars. Divorce costs even more than that, both financially and emotionally. If you ever do need help financially, then contact Brett at Brett@CelebrateCalm.com or 888.506.1871.