Take the 40-Day Calm Challenge
Transform your relationships one day at a time.
You have the best intentions of working on your anxiety, relationships and marriage…but then the busyness of life sweeps your best intentions away. Worse yet, you don’t know HOW to break this cycle. You are at your wits’ end, ready to give up. The Calm Challenge creates long-term change because we focus intensely, each day, for 40 days on developing new habits…with yourself, your toddlers and teens, or your spouse.
Weekend retreats and training are inspiring, but long-term change only happens when two critical actions occur:
1) You develop new thought patterns and habits.
2) You know EXACTLY what to do.
That is the advantage of the 40-Day Challenge. We spend six weeks developing new habits on a daily basis. We give you the exact physical actions and language to use in the most difficult situations. Rather than pay Kirk $250 for a 50-minute phone consultation, you can change your life right from your own home…day after day. This is how your New Year’s Resolution becomes reality.
The 40-Day Calm Challenge includes:
1) Daily emails. Begin each morning with a very specific insight, practical strategy or assignment that will transform your relationship with yourself, your children (including teens) or your spouse. The daily emails are extremely helpful because when you wake in the morning, your assignment for the day will be waiting for you…delivered by email to your smartphone or computer. You can work on these assignments and strategies by yourself or with your spouse.
2) Hard-hitting strategies that will change your thoughts, behavior and relationships. You’ve said in your heart before, “Kirk gets me and my kids like he’s had a camera in our home.” Now you can get 40 straight days of Kirk’s wisdom and practical strategies–from working with thousands of families in your exact situation–at a fraction of the cost of personal consultations.
3) Over 200 questions answered in detail. Click the tab above to view the over 200 questions we answer in detail. You can print off the answers and create your own notebook that lasts forever. Anytime a tough situation comes up, you’ll have a written answer to refer to 24/7. It’s a great way to get on the same page with your spouse.
4) In-depth Workbook. At the end of the 40 days, we will email you a WORKBOOK document with all of the messages and answered questions. It is a library of wisdom for the toughest situations you face. Many families reread the daily emails to continue the transformation process.
5) Unlimited access to the Calm Challenge. You can retake the Challenge as many times as you wish, over and over again. As new situations arise in your family life, you will have an ongoing resource to help you.
What do you REALLY get?
Anyone who tells you that you can change a lifetime of bad habits, anxiety, perfectionism or troubled relationships (with kids or spouse) in a week or two is lying to you. It takes time. We have found that 40 days of intensive focus can create new thought and behavior patterns, break negative cycles and build new foundations for long-term success. These are the strategies Kirk used to transform himself from a worrying, anxiety-ridden, Type-A screamer into the leader of this movement; to transform the relationship with his son that he almost destroyed; and transform a marriage that was this close to ruin.
Once you make these changes, they last a lifetime. You have the opportunity to break generational patterns for good…so that your kids don’t grow up with the same issues plaguing them.
CHOOSE FROM 4 CHALLENGES
Though equivalent personal consultations or weekend training sessions would cost over $2,500, Kirk has agreed to provide the 40-Day Challenges at a fraction of the normal cost. The total for everything is $297 per family. The fee includes participation by both spouses. Do this for YOU.
Please email or call us at 888-506-1871 if you have questions or need an extended payment plan.
New classes begin February 5, March 4, April 8 and May 6.
Are you overburdened trying to manage your kids’ and spouse’s happiness and emotions? Do you feel resentful because you do everything? Guilty when you don’t? Does it hurt when you constantly get on your kids…when it’s really about your own anxiety?
Does perfectionism control you sometimes? Tired of losing it, letting kids push your buttons? You’ve tried on your own to just relax, but you’ve never gotten to the root of your anxiety. And you end up falling back into the old traps, which creates a vicious cycle of guilt and hopelessness.
We’ll show you how to handle the most difficult situations, get on the same page with your spouse, set proper expectations. This is about and for YOU. You have probably neglected your own needs for far too long, trying to please everyone else–without taking care of yourself. This only leaves you resentful and depleted emotionally. It’s time to change these habits.
Just write the month you prefer to begin in the Comments section when you register.
Relationship Rescue Marriage Challenge
Ugh. I know you don’t even want to deal with this now because you are exhausted, but you must. It only gets more difficult the longer you wait. It isn’t going away.
Do any of these situations describe yours?
- One spouse has announced their intention to separate or divorce. Is there a way to repair this, even though the grass looks greener?
- You don’t even know how to talk about anything meaningful. You make small talk to keep the kids and house moving along, but you can’t ever bring anything up.
- You don’t know how to handle conflict of any kind. So you don’t say anything or your spouse runs away. Or maybe one spouse tries to control everything so the issues go away.
- Trust has been broken because of infidelity or secret addictions. Forgiveness isn’t enough—can you rebuild the trust? Do you even want to?
Just write the month you prefer in the Comments section when you register.
Motivating Tough Teens Challenge
By the time your child is a teenager, you are exhausted. You’ve likely battled for more than a decade. You have scars. So do your teenagers. Just being in the same room sometime prompts a fight. Dinners are tense.
When I ask you to list their gifts and strengths, all you can say is they like to talk back, play video games and sit around. You feel like time is running out. Their peers are getting ready for college. Your child? If he would just apply himself, he could live up to his potential. So you get on him, lecture him…and drive him further away.
Some teens get involved in drugs; some choose apathy. How can a child with such promise turn out like this? Where did it go wrong? Most importantly, we are going to answer these two questions: how can we re-establish that connection we want so badly? And how can we help even the most challenging teenagers become successful? We will give you specific, concrete steps to make this happen. So don’t give up yet!
Just write the month you prefer in the Comments section when you register.
Take the Confident Woman Challenge–New Class Begins May 1, 2012
I am ready to:
Please email or call us at 888-506-1871 if you have questions or need an extended payment plan.
What You Can Expect from the Calm Challenge
This is a pretty intensive process for a purpose. It is not to overwhelm, but to immerse you daily in developing new thought and behavior patterns.
Set aside at least 15-30 minutes each day to reflect and take concrete action steps toward transformation. Make the time. It’s part of the entire process–taking back control of our time, family life and inner life. The more time you put into this, the greater the transformation.
You will receive a new message every morning at 5am EST. It will likely be the first email you see in the morning. Each message will have a distinctive subject line identifying that day’s topic following this pattern: “CC DAY 1: I SHOW SELF-RESPECT.” Create a folder in your email program titled Calm Challenge. You can file each message in this folder. That makes it easier to find and review relevant messages even a year from now.
Certain messages will be more relevant to you the first time you read them. On subsequent reviews of the messages, you will continually go deeper and deeper.
I ask you to trust the process. We are NOT going to be digging into specific issues with our kids at first. That will come later. Men, I know you will want to roll your eyes when you see certain topics, but every message has a purpose. Let the process work. Be open to it. Be brutally honest with yourself. I found upon reviewing this myself recently–after having created this content over 12 months ago–that it continues to challenge me in new ways.
200 Questions We Answer in the Calm Challenge
Following are 200 personal questions, issues and triggers we have addressed in detail during our Calm Challenge. We get very deep and specific.
- How could I handle situations when I have to tell the kids over and over each day to pick up after themselves, don’t take too long in the shower, get things out of car, do homework?
- How can I teach my kids to be responsible for their actions?
- Kids not listening.
- What are appropriate expectations of my kids?
- Being late. When I’m running behind or when people show up late. When my husband says he’ll be home and shows up anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour late.
- When people move my things and never put them back
- My teenager is smart, but he’s just lazy and not living up to his potential.
- Back talking from the kids…”my son never just says yes mom.. it’s always a “but” or “after this” or “how about if I do this instead”
- Not keeping hands to self—kids poking at each other, touching each other’s stuff.
- How does your view of authority figures/God affect you as a parent? Is your acceptance by your parents/God based on your behavior or their mercy? By what you do or what they do? That will determine how you view your child’s behavior.
- When my kids lie.
- Nothing is ever good enough for my spouse.
- How do we develop reward systems that actually work?
- When my kids whine-especially when they repeatedly ask for things I’ve said no to, like more dessert, more screen time—things that are privilege—they sound so spoiled when they do this.
- My spouse is always fussing at someone or everyone.
- I feel like I’m out of control because I can’t keep everything clean and organized.
- Rushing/not enough time to get somewhere by a certain time—this is usually my fault, but is made worse if anyone else is slowing me down.
- Messy house/things left all over – by my husband & kids – which makes me feel like they think I’m their maid – this trigger is worse the worse the mess is.
- When my husband gets the kids all worked up right before bed by rough-housing with them. – I’ve been asking/telling him for the 10 years we’ve had kids to do something “calming” with them right before bed, like read
- When I’m on the phone/cooking dinner/trying to get something done & the kids are acting up.
- When my kids do something to embarrass me, like eating with poor manners in public, misbehaving.
- Once I get in a bad mood or grumpy, I tend to stay there for too long and need help breaking the cycle more quickly.
- When my mother or husband say something that offends me, I retreat or avoid. I feel paralyzed.
- How can I separate my identity from my mother’s opinion of me?
- How can I stop reacting immediately? It’s what I have always done.
- How do I prioritize what is best for whole family, not just one person?
- My spouse and kids have ADHD. I am an overwhelmed engineer, project manager type. How do I hold up the scaffolding of our home life and let kids own their actions without failing?
- I need help with figuring out what I should insist on as a parent and what to let go of.
- When hubby gets upset, how do I support him rather than escalating by coming into situation?
- My husband feels like he’s left out of decisions and doesn’t have a voice.
- How do I get my husband to engage with us instead of running away or staying at work?
- What do we do when my husband barks and inflames the situation, making everyone walk on tip toes around him, and then checks out?
- Hubby instigates, kids get upset, hubby takes away computer and privileges.
- Child stands over me whining because he’s bored while I am trying to balance checkbook or do work. Distracting and irritating.
- Loud noises irritate me.
- Kids don’t have confidence or feel good about themselves.
- I get very irked by background talking and playing around in class. I cannot seem to control my tone of voice—I get an edge – too mean—and then the kids resist even more. How can I keep a calm/even tone of voice?
- I struggle with clutter; can you help?
- I am sometimes wishy-washy with discipline. How can I be more consistent?
- I find it difficult to think of creative solutions to issues and don’t always think and act well on the fly.
- How do we motivate our son to take care of himself?
- I have to mediate between my spouse and the kids. It’s exhausting.
- I want to be in control. My dad was very controlling.
- How do you distinguish between changing someone and teaching someone?
- I really have a need to lecture.
- My teenager has such an attitude. I find he can bring me down just by walking into a room.
- I am great at silent treatment punishment. My body language and facial expressions tell everything about me.
- My mom was a screamer growing up, and I have been trying very hard over the past year to avoid doing that at all cost.
- I love my daughter, but I don’t always like her. I feel guilty for that.
- My father was an alcoholic and ruled our house. I don’t want to be that same father.
- We butt heads because we both want to be the dominant ones.
- My husband and I are sick of being irritated with each other all the
- Son has anxiety and mild OCD.
- Do you have any thoughts about medications for children?
- I need help with the issue of other people believing that I need to control my kids.
- I struggle with ADD, OCD, Anxiety and other issues. Should I see a therapist, go to a support group, etc?
- How do my spouse and I get on the same page, with finances, discipline, eating, everything?
- I stay up too late, can’t get up. Exhausted. I make morning miserable for kids. Hate this habit for years. Any help you can provide to kick my lazy butt out of bed would be wonderful.
- How do you stay calm when your child is losing it physically?
- My son is making good progress towards managing his anxiety/anger etc. I however, still fly off the handle and get angry.
How do I stop eating when I am anxious?
- I feel like I have to repeat things 3 or more times before directions are followed.
- I always want to please others.
- Triggers for tantrums: whining, lying, direct disobedience/defiance, indifference, being yelled at, questioning/what if’s, fighting (verbal, physical, mental), asking them to do something many times, not following directions, talking back, “I forgot,” begging, being caught off guard, being ignored, unthoughtful actions.
- Reasons for my reactions: insecurity, fear of kids’ reactions and moods, being unprepared myself, no plan of action, afraid I’ll say something wrong, don’t want to upset anyone, easily intimidated, don’t want to hurt feelings, “I am the Mom. I know what I am talking about,” “This is my job and you are making it harder,” protection, sensitivity, overwhelmed, perfection.
- My son is getting ready to go to college. How do I back off and let him own this rather than losing sleep over every test, his SATs, wondering if he’s going to get into the right college and more?
Will This Work for Me?
Last year, Kirk debuted this process with a small group of families in North America and Europe. We asked the families for their confidential feedback and here are random responses we thought you’d find helpful.
“It is only after starting this that I have started to love and appreciate what I have. I have stopped some of my addictive behaviors. This has truly made a huge impact in my thinking. Thank you for helping me get my self-confidence and JOY in my (our) lives!!”
“I have been the ‘retreater’ of uncomfortable situations because that is what I have done forever. Yesterday, I told my son that I get demanding when they don’t do their schoolwork or something quick enough because of my own anxiety. He sat there quietly and then said, ‘Mom, I love you’.”
Why did you join the Calm Challenge?
“After years of just using my kids (two with special needs) as an excuse for our crazy life, I realized it was time I changed myself.”
“One day my sister said, ‘Do you realize you’ve turned into Mom?’ I had become so controlling and obsessed about everything, from what my daughter wore to what she ate to how she talked to me and others. I couldn’t even enjoy her anymore.”
“When you wrote the message about becoming resentful, that was me. I didn’t know how to get respect because I didn’t even respect myself. Eye-opener.”
“I signed up with my husband. He’d come home and yell every night because that’s what his father did, and then when they didn’t shape up, he’d take away all their privileges. I wanted him to hear this from another man, that it isn’t the way it is supposed to be. We spent fifteen minutes every night talking about US, not the kids. He’s a different man.”
What was the most difficult part of the Calm Challenge?
“…just believing that I COULD be different. I’ve been stuck in this pattern for so long and been to so many therapists for my kids, but never realized how much power I have. But I needed this.”
“…admitting it was my issue and not my kids or anyone else…”
“…letting go of my control issues. I think I was comfortable being a control freak because it made me feel like I was in charge when I really wasn’t. But it’s all I had known so it felt safe to me.”
What surprised you most?
“…how I began to look forward to the daily time with myself. I hadn’t had that for years and it felt good.”
“…hands down, the spiritual aspect. I always said, ‘God is in control,’ but I was lying to myself. I was in control and that didn’t work out so well, now did it?!”
“I really liked Kirk’s personal answers to other people’s questions that I had not thought to ask. It helped to know other people were thinking the same thing and struggling with similar issues.”
“This went way deeper than I had imagined. I didn’t know I had been carrying this anxiety since I was a child, but it felt liberating to let it go.”
What did you find most helpful?
“…the daily action steps…I know it takes weeks to build new habits and I needed this. It has carried over and now I can’t imagine not having this time with myself each day…life-changing…”
“Kirk’s answers to tough questions. It makes so much sense. From the first day, I’ve thought he understood me and my kids more than anyone else I’ve ever met.”
“I’ve been to weekend retreats before, but the magic wears off after coming home. The 7-week thing scared me at first, but it’s what helped most. With a busy family, it helped that I could access it from my home or car or office, and I didn’t have to travel to some remote place.”
“…my family life is completely different because I am a different person. That’s priceless. My husband noticed the difference so I gave him my workbook to read. So far, so good!”